This Is My Moment

April 18, 2015

This is a simple post.

Do you have moments you live for or moments when you quietly think, “Ahhh, this is life”?

It is just you and me and the sunshine streaming into your nursery window. We rock. I hum and feed you your morning bottle. After a burp, the binkie goes in and I turn some Avett Brothers music on. Wrap you tightly, pull you close, and we rock some more. Every now and then your eyes lock with mine and they light up and you smile so softly as I sing you the words. Once you fall asleep in my arms the whole world feels so incredibly peaceful. The house is absolutely still and quiet except for our music and rocking.

This is my moment.

I have come to realize that I work hard all week for this very moment. My weekdays are countdowns to my weekends at home with you. If I could imagine what heaven would feel like, this is it.

This is my moment and it is always with you.

Do you have a favorite moment that you live for? A simple moment that matters the most. Share in the comments below!

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This Is What Motherhood Did To Me

April 13, 2015

I once was a woman who kept up with her home. Clean dishes, folded laundry, organized cabinets and a made bed.

Now dishes are piled high as if the sink is just a storage bin. Our laundry sits in the baskets so long that it wrinkles to the point that I have to wash it all over again. My bed looks like a teenage boy resides here (no offense!). If I make the bed on Saturdays. It is a luxury.

I once was a woman who equated a good time with going out. Friday nights at home were lame. Dinner dates never began before 7 pm and always ended with drinks and maybe even dancing somewhere with friends.

Now Fridays consist of heels off, sweatpants on, take-out ordered and if we are lucky, we last past 9:30 pm.

I once was a woman who made a fuss over presentation. My home decor changed on the spot with the season. Even the simplest of get-togethers included well-thought out themed menus, down to matching disposable plasticware.

Now I consider myself extra festive with my new Spring flag in the front yard. It was Fall harvest themed about two weeks ago.

I once was a woman who found time for me. I made salon appointments for the latest ombre hairstyle, booked a manicure, did a little shopping, or a lot of shopping and always seemed to run out of time on weekends getting to do what I wanted to do.

Now I consider it a good day if my hair is not high atop my head in a messy bun, if both legs are shaved (yes, I have in a hurry forgot to shave a leg), and my goodness I felt like I went to the spa when I took some time to clip my nails and pluck my eyebrows.

This is what motherhood did to me. Motherhood turned me into someone else. Someone on most days that I don’t recognize. Motherhood took the former me and shook her up a bit. Rocked the ground beneath where she once stood.

Motherhood made me a messy house baring, pizza eating homebody who would trade in getting all dolled up for a night out on the town for sweatpants and a movie, holding her baby.

You see before motherhood the woman I once was cared about things, but that is just what they were, things. Everything that defined the woman I once was, centered around perceptions. I don’t feel like she was a selfish woman, she just didn’t know any different or better. Motherhood gave me the ability to live more simply and love more stronger. It allowed me to put things into perspective and see what is important. Motherhood said your dishes can wait but your baby will grow if you don’t slow down and live in the moment. Motherhood made me appreciate what I had and not what I wanted.

This is what motherhood did to me… and I kind of like it.

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To My Siblings, Thank You For The Lessons

April 10, 2015

I don’t really remember welcoming my Brother Tyler into the world. I was too young. When I think of us as young children flashbacks of photos I have seen over the years come to my mind. Burned images from times cherished by family long ago. As the first born, Tyler can be credited for giving me the title of “sister” that I get to carry with me through life. He was my first real friend, first best friend.

Like these photos? Bare with me. These were not ancient times, but this was long before any one of us could whip out a phone to capture a moment, upload to Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, develop a hashtag #SiblingLove, email out to family and then send it to WalMart to have the image printed and mailed to your home, because this is a picture that you actually want a hard copy of too versus just a plain ole’ digital.

Sometimes you can recall a moment in your life when a lesson may have been learned. That instant when you achieved a new understanding or appreciation. With Tyler, I can’t because I was just three when he was born. But I know now that Tyler was the one who taught me to share, taught me how to play well with others, taught me that life wasn’t always about me and taught me how to love in a new way. Simple things really, but crucial achievements for a child.

When I was six, Tanner was born. He was our blue eyed, blond haired baby boy. I can distinctly remember the day Tanner entered our family. I was in Mrs. Adam’s First Grade Class. I remember being in the hallway at our Elementary School, lined up against the wall, awaiting our turn to use the restrooms. I can remember seeing my Dad walk through the main entrance of the school and kneel before me. “You have a new baby brother. Do you want to go see him?” I am so sorry still to this day, Tanner.

“Nope!” I replied. “I really want to go to art class next.” And, calmly my Dad obliged. I later learned my Mom waited in her hospital room with her newborn waiting for her happy family to arrive to meet our new baby. When my Dad returned and explained I wanted to stay at school and go to art class, she was sure he was lying and that I was waiting in the hospital hallway to run in and yell surprise! No, I remained at school. I also, remember returning to Mrs. Adam’s classroom after art and as we started our math lesson I cried in the back of the room wanting my family. Or, maybe it was just to escape math!

National Sibling Day - BackwardsNHighHeels.com

Tanner was always such a happy baby, and again I must apologize because once a third was added to the mix I quickly learned what the phrase “third wheel” meant. Some days it was me and other days it was Tanner. Somehow Tyler always got a team! He taught me to fight and truly pick. And, while you may think, “Hey, poor, Tanner, that is not nice!” Know that with that came the lesson in learning right from wrong, your actions have consequences and how to make amends.

In fifth grade, our family expanded yet again. What the heck where you thinking, Mom and Dad? I remember being in class and getting called to the office. My mom called the school and wanted to share with me that we were having another boy, I was having another brother… another brother! I cried, and cried and cried. It ruined the rest of my day. I sat, this time in Mrs. Smith’s class, thinking “Another boy! Really?” Oh, how I longed for a sister.

Then the thought of being the only girl grew on me and then seeing him for the first time, well, I no longer cared about what might have been but was as excited as any kid could be. Turner was born just eight days after my birthday and we celebrated with our first official family photo in the hospital. It took my parents four tries to finally accomplish this feat!

Turner added chaos to our no longer “little family.” He successfully with his small little being brought complete strangers to bewilderment and introduced us all to a new thing – the double-take look, as my parents went into public places with their little “crew” of ducklings following behind. So, many kids? How do they do it? Things got kicked up a big notch on the home front and I can thank Turner for teaching me the value of teamwork as he evened the playing field. Turner also blessed me with the eldest sibling pride and a protection instinct that one from a big family learns they possess. Maybe it was my age that allowed me to realize that while we turned to our parents for guidance, siblings also develop a bond and reliance on each other.

I don’t know what made my parents think this was a good idea and I don’t know why I am sharing this picture with you. The suitcases were a nice touch though.

Then it happened… I was 15 years old. I remember this one clear as day. I stood beside my mother as she and I shared the bathroom to get ready for the day and she hit me with words, “I am pregnant.” I think my first reaction was an awkward you are kidding, please tell me you are kidding laugh. Although, what followed will forever haunt me. When she shook her head “no” and confirmed she was expecting, I cried, I screamed, I cried again. Worse than the 5th grader who just learned she was having, “another brother.” What was she thinking? Why would she mess with our already perfect “big” family? Weren’t we enough?

We did not speak for a few days, maybe weeks. Not because of her, but because of me. I held a big grudge. Then we received news that my mother’s already complicated pregnancy may become more complicated when she was sent to another hospital to run tests on the baby after some other concerning test results. I remember being sick to my stomach. Sick for my actions, words and thoughts from when she first told me she was expecting. I remember thinking God was punishing me and I prayed for the baby to be okay and for me to make things right.

It was the first time 3D Sonograms were being used and I traveled with my mom and got to see her… yes her! The sister I cried for some few years prior. We learned everything was going to be okay and my perspective was put into focus.

Alyvia, or Livy Lou as I like to call her changed absolutely everything about my world. She was born just a few days before my 16th birthday, so the whole experience with her was so different than my brothers. She became “my baby.” I learned how to change a diaper, rock her to sleep, give her a bath, make a bottle, all the little things that first time moms experience. She became the bookend to our family and all the worries and fears I had standing in the bathroom starring at my Mom who just announced “I am pregnant,” disappeared with Livy. Instead of “What were you thinking?” I was thanking my Mom and Dad for the gift of just one more. Livy taught me what a “sister bond” was. I had never known it before her. She taught me how to love longer and stronger and I credit her with so much of what I know now as a first time Mommy.

Today is National Sibling Day and while we celebrate our parents and thank them for their love, support and guidance throughout our lives, sometimes we forget the ones who also have contributed to the people we are today. You see, each one of my siblings taught me something along the way and they continue to teach me.

With our siblings we can have forever friends and supporters through this crazy road called life. I am so incredibly grateful for them. And, to my parents, who I have thanked so much throughout the years for various acts of kindness and lessons, I thank you for the greatest gift you gave each of us and that is each other.

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0-3 Months Baby Must Haves

March 23, 2015

Preparing for baby Lo felt like a college cram session (in case you are new to the blog, I should share that this is my first child). When I initially found out I was pregnant I downloaded the What To Expect App, which I would very much recommend to any new mommies out there. It tracks your pregnancy and provides daily advice based on your pregnancy progression. Some days I would wake up with a new pregnancy symptom or worry and open the App and the daily topic would be so relevant. MIND BLOWN! Download the App!

When we revealed to family and friends our news, an overwhelming amount of verbal advice came rushing in. From which bottles to use and what diapers are the best, to the must have baby gadgets and whether or not organic matters.

I honestly had a few panic attacks in the first trimester from the overwhelming amount of advice I was receiving. It felt suffocating at times. At one point I even thought… “I should have read more before I thought about getting pregnant! How will I ever learn everything?”

Some of my biggest worries came down to baby products. It felt like I needed a truckload to welcome baby. I scanned Consumer Reports, read Baby Blogs, listened to fellow Mommy’s advice and visited website reviews. Looking back there were things I could have lived without but there are also those things that have been absolutely necessary.

Baby Must Haves

1 – Aden + Anais Classic Swaddles – These are my absolute favorite baby item! There is a huge difference when swaddling baby in Aden + Anais versus a cotton receiving blanket.They are made from muslin so they are breathable. Plus, the patterns are super cute too!

2 – Ingenuity Moonlight Rocking Sleeper – This is the sole reason I sleep at night! Baby Lo loves this Sleeper. When she was born we had the Sleeper in our Living Room because it is not as bulky as a Pack N’ Play. Once we realized Baby Lo preferred to sleep in the Rocking Sleeper over the Pack N’ Play we had set up in our room, well, we packed up the Pack N’ Play and moved the Sleeper back beside our bed. She loves the incline position.

3 – Motorola Digital Video Baby Monitor – When you can’t be two places at once, this digital monitor is a must! I can sneak in a shower while the baby sleeps in the next room and not have to worry that I can’t hear her because this monitor has video and sound capabilities.

4 – Britax B-AGILE Travel System Stroller – I spent the absolute most time researching the best stroller and car seat for Baby Lo. I read so many reviews and received so much advice. Go to the store and test out the products! That is my advice. I was torn between this brand and another, but once I tested the Britax system out while registering I knew this was the one for me. The stroller is lightweight and will grow with baby. Storage is also super convenient.

5 – Munchkin Formula Dispenser – This inexpensive must have is one super valuable item. One time my in-law accidentally took ours home, mistaking it for theirs and both my husband and I planned our day around picking it up. Since, I breastfeed and supplement formula, this little invention is so helpful for when we are on-the-go or even for middle of the night feedings.

6 – Dreambaby Room & Bath Thermometer – This is an absolute must! I can’t tell you how many times I have thought the bath water felt just right but was well over 102 degrees! A big no, no for baby bath time. What feels good to you as an adult is so much different for baby. I did hear a great tip to use your elbow to test bath water versus your hand, but it is still comforting to know what temperature the water is before I put the baby in.

7 – AVENT Soothie Pacifier – Have you read this? Now you know why I love a binkie!

8 – Baby K’Tan – I researched the perfect baby carrier and after reading many other Blogs giving this product high praises, I was so happy to receive the Baby K’Tan and equally enjoy. It is super durable, cleanable and lightweight! Plus, you get your hands back, so you can cook, clean, pay bills… you know, fun adult stuff. Baby Lo loves when I put her in the Baby K’Tan and vacuum the house. She falls right asleep!

9 – Boppy – If you are breastfeeding then I would highly recommend the Boppy. During the first few weeks the Boppy was so important in providing support. As Baby Lo got bigger, the Boppy has been great for propping and supporting her while I fold laundry beside her or even put on some make-up. I know, crazy?! Also, make sure the Boppy is purchased before you have baby and pack it with your Hospital Bag. Trust me! You will be so happy you did!

10 – Medela Breast Pump – Again, if you choose to breastfeed, this is a must! Once your milk comes in and you start to get the hang of breastfeeding you will want to explore pumping. I was so grateful once I had stored milk for someone else to assist with a feeding. My insurance covered this pump. It is a basic pump, but I really like it and would recommend it to anyone who is planning on breastfeeding.

What items would you recommend for a Baby Registry? Do you have must have baby items for 0 – 3 month old babies? If so, please share below!

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How I Survived The Market With An Infant

March 15, 2015

* I must begin this post with explaining the word “Market.” In my neck of the woods, we refer to a Grocery Store as a Market and we refer to a large grocery purchase as a “Market Order.” I work in the next state over from where I call home and I will never forget the looks on my co-worker’s faces as I casually stated, “Yeah, this weekend I made it to the Market. I had to get a huge Market Order so I am packing a good lunch today, girls.” Everyone stared at me like I was talking in a new language. Later I learned no one had any clue what a “Market” was nor a “Market Order” and had visions of me shopping at a Farmer’s Market style venue where I sent in a pre-order and picked it up. My one co-worker said, “I envisioned you in a farm field with rows upon rows of produce in crates.” Ahhhh, I wish. So, now that I set the vocabulary for my post, let’s dive in.

Yesterday I accomplished a feat. It was such an accomplishment that my exhausted mind and body are just now sitting down to write this post. What major event do you have to announce, you ask? Well, Baby Lo and I successful went to the Market.

You see up until this point, I have solely relied upon my husband for the market runs. While I was on Maternity Leave he would call before leaving the office and stop to get anything I may need which usually consisted of coffee (I was sleep deprived), water (I was always thirsty) and Oreo’s (my sweet tooth from pregnancy never disappeared).

Twice, just twice can I recollect taking the baby to the market in the last 12 weeks. Both times have been for essentials and no more than the Express Lane limit. In and out was my motto! Once, I attempted to take her for an order. I was getting her out of her car seat to transfer her to the Baby K’Tan and after realizing she had a dirty diaper and changing her on a slant in the backseat of the car, I was so tired and she was so cranky, that I packed her back up in the car seat and came home. We ordered take-out that night.

Let me tell you… I felt like the Little Engine that could. “I think I can, I think I can.” She just successfully downed a bottle, had a nice clean diaper and was in a snugly sleep as we walked into this new found land. By the way these three essentials are key. I had nightmares of having to breastfeed by the Frito Lays, so high fives for a full belly.

I sat baby Lo, who slept peacefully, car seat and all into the back of the buggy (Yep, shopping cart. You are learning quick, young grasshopper) and headed straight for produce. Have you ever grocery shopped with an infant that cannot yet sit upright in the buggy? Ummmm… newsflash, there is LIMITED room in the cart once baby and car seat are set down. So, to say I had to get crafty and creative with my groceries is an understatement. I somehow managed to fit all my produce and some additional items in the child seat portion of the buggy. I actually got excited over how I organized and utilized the minimum space I had. I know… I am weird.

Shopping with a baby has its major perks. Fear of a mid-shopping session meltdown and the lack of cart space had me on a mission and seconding the need for every purchase. No, more crazy thoughts like, “I think I will make homemade granola this week!” Followed by parking my buggy in aisle 5 as I search Pinterest for a recipe.

I did however stop with baby to gawk at our Market’s amazing selection of Izze’s. Thank you for NOW deciding to carry more of a variety. I only lived off these when I was pregnant with Lo. FYI – Pregnant friends, these are amazing! Also, if you find yourself say at the beach pregnant or hanging out with non-pregnant, drinking friends… these are your lifesaver. Promise!

If that is not enough to make you giddy, going to the market with a baby means extra hands and help from the people around you. I would have never described fellow grocery shoppers up until this point as kind and patient. Let’s just say if I was Nora in Christmas with the Kranks, people would have been paying me to take the last of the Honey Ham.

At one point I launched the buggy into the middle of the aisle as I scanned the shelf for canned corn. I know, daring. I actually heard the woman sigh very loudly as if saying to me, “Okay, move! You are blocking the whole aisle.” Once she saw I had a baby in the buggy, she actually apologized and explained how she, “remembered those days.”

Finally as my journey came to an end, reality set in about the same moment I was searching through the diaper bag for my coupons and money. While the baby fit so well in her car seat surrounded by the many items I was purchasing, how would she and the bulky disposable bags co-exist together in the buggy until I was able to unload. Let me tell you, I broke out into a cold sweat. And, so did other shoppers as people watched me unload the car seat, load the bulky bags that now took up all the buggy space and teeter the car seat on the rim of the buggy. (Don’t freak out! Apparently this is how I should have shopped with the car seat all a long.)

Walking out of the market, I just wanted to get home. Baby Lo was amazing but my constant worrying left me mentally exhausted. The funny thing is after I finally got everything unloaded and put away at home it dawned on me… I picked up nothing for dinner for that evening!! Seriously? How does this happen.

After rocking the baby to sleep, my husband and I kicked our legs up and dived into a hot dog. Guess what? I have always loved hot dogs, so life is good!

Spoil Away

March 4, 2015

I have been thinking about this post for some time now. The thought of it keeps nagging me. Often my posts are planned and other times they are spur of the moment, like this ONE. I was a blubbering mess when I wrote that one. It is one of my favorites though!

Sometimes a thought hits me and I jot down the idea to venture back around. However, this one, well this one, has kept coming at me like those “trust your gut” feelings. I will be honest, I kind of ignored the thought a few times because I was worried what people would think with what I had to say. Parenting can be so controversially because everyone does it differently and has their own biases. Then I thought, “this is my Blog dagnabbit and if I want to write about it, well I can.” That is how it goes when you are the boss. And, on here, I am the boss! 🙂

So, let’s go… hey, maybe it won’t be so bad?

The four words I really have grown to despise these days – “You are spoiling her!” I really don’t like hearing it. I actually hate it to be frank.

Can you really spoil a 10-week old baby? It is not like she is asking for candy when we go to the market to which I either immediately cave or say “no” multiple times all while walking the aisles listening to her scream and cry until I can no longer take it, finally circling back around to hand her the candy. It is not like I make us a family meal to which my infant turns up her nose, declaring McDonald’s and then I rush out of our home to return with her nugget meal just in time before she has cried herself to sleep. You see to me… that is spoiling.

Right now I have a little baby whose only means of communicating with me is to cry. She knows no other way. She does not know what a temper tantrum is yet. She is not crying because she wants something out of selfishness or neediness. She cries because she can’t say – “hey, mom, ummm… I dirtied myself, a dry diaper would be awesome.” She cries because of basic needs.

I will admit, Lo likes to be held. She is content in our arms. If I put her under her play yard or in her swing, yes, I gain about 15 minutes of hands free time to do something. However, like clockwork though, she will cry and I will pick her up. “You are spoiling her. She wants to be held all the time.” As a mom, it seriously goes through me like a knife. Yes, she wants to be held, but the root of it is that she wants affection or to be close to someone. Just like crying because she is hungry, tired, has a dirty diaper or is not feeling good, needing comfort IS a basic need for an infant. In my opinion, responding to her is building her confidence. She is learning that she can rely upon me and trust that I will be there. I am building her sense of security. Isn’t that the opposite of dependence?

I have been told I am spoiling her from responding to her whimpering too quickly. I should let her cry more before I pick her up. The fact is I see her hunger cues. She is rooting, sucking her hand or turning her head back and forth. Why wait until she is screaming to feed her? It is not spoiling when you know your baby and trust your intuition. Soothing your child is part of parenting.

Granted I understand there will come a day when my infant reaches toddler hood and she will develop a sense of what is wrong and right. She will begin to understand how her actions affect her world. She will have temper tantrums and push her boundaries and my buttons. She will then enter a world where I will comprehend those dreaded words… “You are spoiling her!”

She is 10-weeks old today, but 10-years old tomorrow. I will love her and care for her and savor every single minute of her because one day I may not be the one she reaches for first, cries out to for help, depends on for basic needs or sadly, falls asleep in my arms.The reality of it all is that whether I am picking up my crying baby from her swing or allowing her to softly sleep on my chest, she is spoiling me. And, that, I am okay with!

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Wednesday Wisdom

February 25, 2015

Well we made it folks… halfway through the work week. It was a big and rough week for me as I returned to the workforce after my Maternity Leave. Was it hard? Absolutely! Have I cried? Well, was Vanilla Ice a one-hit-wonder?

Yes! Of course. I cried! A lot.

The worst part was the days leading up to my return. The best way to describe it is as follows… imagine an amazing vacation, a vacation in paradise, the perfect vacation, a vacation you dreamed about and waited so long for. Now imagine the last day of that perfect world. You know that feeling? The dreaded countdown. This is our last night, last lunch, last sunset, last day without a care in the world… until we return next year. Now take that thought and multiple it by 100. No, maybe 200. Dramatic? Nah! The gut wrenching pain is real.

I have found comfort in quotes through multiple points in my life. Whether it has been times of happiness or pain; quotes have provided me with the eloquent words I wish I could say. So, it was no exception that as I struggled with my emotions, I found myself searching the Internet (I told you I was a Professional Googler – See Here) for something to grasp and make me feel better.

It is amazingly simple but therapeutic, so I thought I would share some that stuck out to me this week as I searched for the right things to think or say. I call this post Wednesday Wisdom. I do not plan on doing this every week, but here and there on Wednesdays when the urge calls. Hopefully, one of these will resonate with you. And, maybe, just maybe it will be the simple thing you need to get through anything that may be nagging at you.

Have a great week, friends!

Let this post be a feel good post. If you have a favorite quote you have found this week or one that you live by, please share below.

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Eating My Words

February 20, 2015

My little Lo Bug, as I like to call her, turns a whopping two months old today. Yes, I am shedding a tear as I write this. No, I am not dramatic and I am sure all my fellow mother friends out there can relate to this feeling. The feeling of time. Precious, precious time.

I can’t believe we have hit this milestone already. Looking back to the wee hours of the morning on December 20th, when she arrived, already feels so far away. Those first few days and weeks when I was really not sleeping, new to the whole motherhood gig and really just starting to get to know my baby, I like to refer to those days as the walking zombie phase. During those early days I paced the floor, doing the typical “mom” bounce that we all develop, shushing my crying little one, in sweats that I was going on day three of wearing (don’t judge!) and thinking… “I will never sleep again. I will never figure this out. I will never be myself again.”

Now I am eating those words and so many others.

“I will never sleep again!” Yes, yes you will. And, I have! Thankfully. No, it is not the same sleep as my childless self, but baby does adapt and start to get on a schedule. Some nights are better than others but you do find sleep as time progresses. At two months, I am still exhausted, and no, baby does not sleep through the night yet, but she is starting to sleep at longer stretches, giving me, some much needed shut eye.

“I will never breastfeed.” This was me prior to being pregnant and even for the first good half of my pregnancy. It wasn’t until I started reading (translation becoming a professional “Googler”) that I started to consider breastfeeding after learning about the benefits for both baby and Mom. I scheduled myself for a Breastfeeding Class during my pregnancy and that is what sealed the deal for me to give it a try. I am not advocating breastfeeding here. In fact, to be honest, I supplement baby Lo with formula as well. That is what works for me and you will find out what works for you too. However, I never thought I would do it, but here I am 8 weeks later, still going strong and actually enjoying.

“I will never give my baby a pacifier.” Really? Yes. I will admit that I actually thought and said this before. I always felt like a pacifier was an unnecessary soother and that there had to be other means to calm baby. HaHa – oh silly girl! Tell that to a Mom as she is trying to calm her precious baby that seemed to morph into a screech owl. Just kidding, people! I was also so fearful of starting a habit that I would eventually have to break. Guess what? I will cross that bridge when I get there, but for now, baby Lo is grateful for the binkie (what we call it around here in Mountain Maryland) and so am I!

“I will never figure this out.” Oh, my dear, yes, yes you will. I remember questioning everything I did. I think I texted my mother play by plays of every sound baby Lo made. I even recorded her hiccups once because they sounded so deep that I thought for sure something was wrong. I sent the video to my mother asking… “is this normal?” Then after she declared yes, I still asked baby Lo’s pediatrician TWICE, yes, two times people, in the same appointment. Oh, first time Mom worries. I am not over this hump yet, far from it, but my worries from yesterday subside for new worries, and you start to figure it out.

“I will never let my baby into my bed.” Baby has her bed. Mommy and Daddy have theirs. There is no mixing. I did not want again, a habit. Have you seen a cute little infant in sweet PJ’s with morning eyes and yawns starring at you from their bassinet or crib? Seriously, it is the sweetest thing! You want to swoop them up and squeeze them and snuggle all morning. And, that is just what we have done and do. It doesn’t get better. They get cuter! Now my mind thinks… they are only little once. Enjoy these moments. I think now is the part where I should state to learn about SIDS. Bringing baby into your bed does have its risks. You can learn more Here.

“I will never let myself go.” I did not realize pre-baby how much time baby takes from you. Doing my hair, make-up and getting dressed takes time. I will state again… it takes time. There are days when I debate how to use my “free” time to do dishes, laundry, watch an episode of Real Housewives or Gasp! take a nap. I threw this “I never” out the window the first week. Enough said.

“I will never put work on the back burner.” This one surprised me the most! During my pregnancy I was so proud to state, “I will take 5 weeks off and be back to work.” I thought I was superwoman. Many people questioned me and I quickly shot them down. Work needs me, I need work, I will be back just as soon as I can. After a surprise C-Section – Read Here – I was required to take at least 8 weeks. What I did not realize was how quickly I bonded with my baby and how being superwoman now has everything to do with her and being a Mom.

“I will never be myself again.” Oh, this one is a dozy. Hormones are raging the weeks after baby. Sleep, Ha! Who needs sleep? You feel so unlike your former self it is almost heartbreaking. Although, slowly glimpses of the old me started to shine through. The best part of this revelation for me is that my never statement is part true. “I will never be myself again” No, you will not. Why? Because you are a better you. I am a better me. Babies do crazy things to you. In a really, really good way.

Do you have any words you have eaten when you became a parent? Please share below!

Welcome To The World

January 31, 2015

I was 35 weeks the night I made my way to Labor and Delivery. I was scared. You were my first pregnancy and you were providing all the symptoms associated with early labor. All day at work I tried to hide the discomfort I felt, as lower back pain radiated to my belly and numbed my legs. In fact, twice that day I found myself in the bathroom, pacing, thinking “this baby is coming. I am not ready.”

I mustered the energy and composure to host a property tour of 14+ people. Walking the resort hoping my water did not break in front of a group of complete strangers. When it ended that afternoon I made my way, waddling, I completely agree with the description of a pregnant woman’s walk in her late trimester, and called my Doctor. “You need to go to Labor and Delivery.”

At 35 weeks the nurse thought I was just dehydrated but after some water and monitoring I was informed I was indeed having contractions as close as two to six minutes apart. You did not make your appearance though that night. Instead two more weeks passed. Some days the pain stayed the same; other days the pain intensified. Every day was different. One thing that remained the same… I knew you were ready to enter this world.

And, into the world you came, still early at 37 weeks.

It all happened so fast. My water broke just like the movies, which now makes me laugh, because in reading, only about 14% of women’s water breaks naturally. After a few for hours of labor, we found out a C-section was necessary. Looking back, I already find myself foggy on certain aspects of the night. Although, two moments are clearly embedded in my mind. Like looking through a blurry lens and watching everything come into perspective. The moment I first laid eyes on you as they revealed you to us from behind the curtain. Let me tell you now, it does exist… love at first sight. I also never knew tears like that existed. Tears that come from a portion of your heart that is tucked away, reserved for bliss. The second moment occurred when I first held you. Through the grogginess of surgery and medicines, my world stood still when I looked into your eyes. It was the first moment they locked, yet I felt like I had known you forever.

These first few weeks have been filled with so much emotion. Pure love, moments of frustration, immense joy and overwhelming exhaustion. As you experience your firsts in this world, so too am I.

Who knew you could hold a conversation with another human being without saying a word? Or develop this superhuman power of reading someone’s mind and mannerisms to know just what they need. Speaking of needs… it is the first time I have ever felt what it is like to truly be needed and the pride of meeting those needs.

Your milestones while small in scale to this big ol’ world are huge to me. The first time I realized you knew my or your daddy’s voice, watching you search for one of us speaking in a room and that smile, oh that sweet smile.

I have cried right alongside you. Rocking you. Praying for us both. Even muttering – “It is me and you, learning as we go. You have never been a baby before and I never a mother.” We always seem to get through though.

As a person who has always been on-the-go, you little one have allowed me to let go. It is the first time I have been okay with the piles of laundry at the foot of the bed and growing dishes in the sink. I don’t quite care as I allow you to sleep on my chest because being close to you is all that matters in this world.

I never understood living in the moment until you. It is the first time, the clock does not really matter. Time is just time. My day is based on you and your needs. No one else’s. It is also the first time I have felt selflessness win over selfishness.

We have accomplished a lot together these past weeks. Together we are learning and growing.

I prepared my whole pregnancy to welcome you into the world but what I did not prepare for was that it would actually be you welcoming me into the world. A world I did not know existed before you. A world full of so much more happiness and emotion. A world with fulfillment and purpose. A much, much, much better world.

Mommy Dear

June 24, 2014

I titled my blog post today “Mommy Dear,” because as the story goes as a child I without any prompting referred to my Mom as just that. After time, “Mommy Dear” must have wore off because my memory has always been of calling her “Mom.”

Although, I think back to that name and smile because she is so very dear. And, just like most little kids go through the stage of calling their mother, “Mommy,” then graduating to “Mom” when it no longer becomes cool, my mom however, for the most part (except those weird pre-teen years) has always been cool to me.

My mom has always been my best friend and confidant. Through the awful middle school and high school years with the petty girl drama, when one week you had a best friend and then the next an enemy, my Mom was always there. When someone broke my heart, it was my Mom who always came to the rescue to boost my broken confidence. For the not so proud moments, Mom showcased her disappointment but never missed the opportunity to show her love. And, for every proud moment I had, my Mom was my biggest fan.

Being the oldest of five, she not only gets to be called the title of “Mom” from four other kids, but she also gets the stress and worry that comes with being a Mom of five kids. And, as much as I praise her now, she doesn’t always get all the credit, but bares a lot of the brunt from grumpy kids. They say you hurt the ones you love the most and my Mom has had to endure many of our bad days.

But she is resilient and the most selfless person I know. Always giving up her time and energy towards her kids and to her loved ones. One of my favorite stories that showcases my Mom’s act of kindness was right after I accepted a promotion at the company I currently work for. I was heading in for my first day in the new role and had a big meeting. As I was walking into work I noticed blue streaks all over my light tan slacks. It wasn’t until I got in the door and a co-worker gasped that I realized my husband who is notorious for having pens in his pockets must have washed my slacks with his jeans and a busted pen. Blue ink all across my pants stood between me and my 10 am meeting. I called my Mom, because of course that is the first thing you do with a Mom like mine and she said, “what do you need me to do?” I knew I was pushing it when I responded, “go to my house and grab a new pair of slacks and drive them to me?” I work an hour away, but guess what without a sigh or complaint, to the rescue she came!

So, today, I celebrate you on your Birthday and say – thank you and mean it, for years and years of love. You truly are a dear Mommy to me and my siblings. We are blessed and lucky! Love you.