Today is a follow up to yesterday’s Post. Thank you for the overwhelming love and support. So many of you reached out to share your stories, or just general thinking of you messages and prayers. Thank you.
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On Friday Nathan and I traveled to the Wilmer Eye Institute at John Hopkins for a second opinion. Knowing they are one of the leading eye institutions in the country, we were more than hopefully – we were expecting different input and outcome scenarios.
I think at one point Nathan even said, “I am just hoping they will say, ‘oh, yeah we have these drops’ and they will put them in and I will see again.”
Of course we were being extreme with that scenario but the point was we were very hopefully.
Naturally I have been praying for Nathan through this experience. My conversations with God began the very first night when we found ourselves in the Emergency Room facing the unknown.
God will not make it all go away just because we magically want it to. God will not fix something because we feel it is not fair. We are good people and faithful people but that does not excempt us from the challenges of life.
God most certainly did not put us in this circumstance but he will see us through.
And, through it all He has shown us His grace. The days before Wilmer and even during our visit I often reached out in prayer. Asking for hope and good news. That was all I wanted or needed – some hope and some good news. I trusted him for the outcome and put everything in his hands. Saying, ‘Show us the way and we will give it all to you.’
Our outcome on Friday was not the miracle fix-all we wished for. Yet God did answer my prayers – ‘some hope and some good news.’
We learned that the macular tear or hole that had shown itself two weeks ago on a scan at our doctor’s office and was the reason Nathan’s sight has been compromised, had healed. Actually no longer existed. Miracle!
As the photo technician took the images I scanned the screen for the hole I had seen but it was gone. I kept quiet on my findings because I am no medical professional and I did not want to get Nathan’s hopes up.
Soon a resident doctor confirmed my analysis and stated, “I see no macular hole.” There was a spark in Nathan and the biggest smile I has seen on his face in some time.
Looking back I guess we did not even realize well if it is gone why can’t he still see? Instead we were so hopeful.
A few moments later the Specialist came in the room and met Nathan, reviewed his files and performed an exam. Then the bad news was delivered. Nathan’s macular layers were bruised and basically collapsed. This was indeed why he still could not see. The bigger gulp, our time at Wilmer would end before it began as there was nothing they could do. No surgery, no medicines and no magic drop that would cure it all away.
She was kind and careful with her delivery and shared that time could eventually, one day, heal some of his vision but there was no sure fire solution or option. She gave him the hope with a 50/50 shot of it staying the same or improving naturally over time.
The crushing news has been the story of this journey – high hopes and then sudden bad news.
As we left, I felt an inner calmness though which was a new feeling through this process.
I prayed for God to give me hope and good news and he did. The macular hole we prayed would heal is doing just that. In fact, not even showing! While we did indeed learn more and those results may not have been what we were ultimately wishing for, I realized it was still exactly what I prayed for.
Time can heal Nathan and for that we remain grateful.
God did something else though in the halls of John Hopkins. He gave me perspective.
Somehow looking for a restroom before Nathan’s appointment we accidentally found ourselves in the Cancer Center at John Hopkins.
I looked into the Radiation waiting room. I witnessed a husband holding the hand of a frail wife with a cap on her bald head. I watched a sister or maybe best friend hold the hand of a young women, maybe twenty something, who had on a cap and mask to cover her mouth and most likely prevent the spread of germs to her system.
As Nathan used the restrooms, I cried in the hallway. Dear God, you are powerful and mighty. Our situation which is hard and challenging could be so much worse.
Nathan has his whole life to improve, and that is good news. Suddenly I realized we could have been there at that same Hospital receiving devastating news of merely only a small amount of time left.
I have learned through this stressful time that God’s grace is humbling. The strength of our Faith has grown through this process. I know that my prayers are being answered and He is working in ways that are not always obvious.
I know that God put us in that Cancer Center for perspective. I know He is to thanked for the success we have been graced with the healing. I know that He gave me the hope and good news I prayed for, and even though there was still bad news and the journey continues I am learning that the hope I prayed for always existed. For God has the final say.
Thank you all for being a part of this journey with us. Much love.