Logan was born on a cold winter night. Three weeks early, the little bug not yet out of my womb already earned her first tally on the parenting wall of scares. A wall we all put up the moment we find out we are to be parents. Tallies that we mark with every tumble and fall, scrap and bleed. After laboring for 5 hours, we were rushed into an emergency c-section and then there she was. All red and swollen and wide eyed.
“Where have you placed me?” I often wonder each child thinks when they enter a room full of strangers in masks and bright overhead lights piercing rays into their sweet innocent eyes. And, then they hear your voice and know they are home.
Having a child changes your perspective of the world. It happens instantaneously. For some, you recognize the change the moment the newborn is placed in your arms. Others it take a few days or weeks. Sometimes it occurs when you finally leave your child to return to work and maybe for others it isn’t until you take a moment to really slow down, look around you, reflect back and realize that you did change in that very first moment you looked your baby in the eyes.
Becoming a mother has made me see the world and others in a different light. Sometimes not for the better. While that may seem harsh and cruel, I know that it is my truth. I find myself less accommodating to those who whine and complain over “unimportant” things like a bad meal served in a restaurant or ranting on Facebook because they are stuck in traffic, or just ranting in general. I feel time has become too precious and those little inconveniences are merely that… an inconvenience. I tend to feel frustrated with others who interfere with my work/life balance and impact my time with my daughter. Precious time, that I feel is quickly fleeting as I realize she will so soon be two. Two! How did that happen? I am not as patient with entitlement and those who lack motivation as I feel I bust my arse day in and day out to merely survive. I get fearful with the world and am fiercely protective of my tribe which includes my little girl and sometimes the intensity of those feelings overwhelm me.
However, her presence in this world has made me see things for the better too. I appreciate the little things a little more. Like lunch dates at Chick-fil-a, hearing her say a new word, and when she returns to her newborn ways and randomly snuggles against my chest. Those little moments are small victories in most challenging days. The appreciation goes deeper than that. I hold doors for people more often, I am more cognizant of pregnant woman, as I know how they feel and what they are going through and I feel emotion and my heart bursts watching those darn viral videos celebrating moms, dads and parenting.
I give without expecting in return. I give because I want to give and I love the rush and feeling of doing so. Having a child spiraled this feeling out of control in a way that is often indescribable. As parents, we want to give our child everything we never had. We want them to experience a good life that is rich in so many ways.
My perspective on love is much stronger and deeper as the bond of being a mom developed so quickly. It is hard for any other emotion or perspective to top that of the love I have felt and learned existed because of Lo. You just feel like your heart could burst. Sometimes it is of heartache from your child and other times through pride, but either way the intensity is a sure sign of being a great parent and the definition of true love.
There is a quote… “Sometimes all we need is just a new perspective.”
Lo has given me more than an ounce of perspective. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but mostly for the better. The greatest thing Lo has given me is my perspective on myself. Wanting to be a better for yourself so you can be a better version of you for that little person or persons looking at you.
Her little being is full of so much action and emotion that is eats me up even when she is not around.
Photo by Magnolia Street Photography.