This past Sunday morning started out like most. Pajamas and coffee in bed. A little bed head toddler beauty squished in between us for morning snuggles and sausage thawing in the refrigerator, awaiting the pitter-patter of our feet as we make a break from beneath the warmth of our bed covers to rise with the sun to start a new day. Where did I lose you? I lost myself at sausage. Cause’ Lord knows I forget to thaw meat out and then scramble by placing it in a scalding bowl of hot water and praying to the thawing Gods.

This is the morning I envisioned in my mind pre-baby and still even living crazy Sunday after crazy Sunday, envision will miraculously occur.

Picture perfect none the less. The real Sunday went a little something like this.

• Lo fought me to go down Saturday. Our fault. We missed her mark and paid royally. Let me go back a bit further and explain that Friday night I finally got the new bed sheets on the bed that I purchased on Thursday. We only had the real joy of sleeping on them, Friday night. Lo decided Saturday morning was the morning and a good time to pee in our bed. Not even 10 hours on our mattress, I stripped the bed, yet again, to rewash the new sheets. So, by Saturday night when the clock struck 10 pm and my wired toddler poked me in the eye balls and flopped around like a fish out of water, I carried her into her own crib and crashed hard. On the bed with our missing fitted sheet. When Nathan finally awoke from the couch and pulled back the comforter at midnight, I knew he was tired too as he did not even bulk at the sheet-less situation
• By 6:45 am on Sunday, Lo was calling out our names. We convinced her the “sky was not awake” (Frozen reference since she is slightly obsessed) and were able to convince her to give us about 30 more minutes of laying in bed time. Notice I did not say sleeping or even cuddling. 30 extra minutes to lay in bed.
• Eventually, she crawled over my body and onto the floor and stood at the foot of the bed so we could only see her eyes, forehead and hair and repeatedly yelled,”Down. Down. Down.” Until we got out of bed.
• At this point we caused our own chaos with an hour and a half until church. I skipped the breakfast ritual and opted for cinnamon rolls only to discover an odd oozing liquid that seeped out and onto the baking sheet. Realizing we were passed the expiration, I reluctantly tossed them. I say reluctant, because I Googled – Can you eat Cinnamon Rolls pass their expiration date? and then figured stomach cramps weren’t my thing. That morning we ate oatmeal and berries. I know, we are great people. Eating healthy as our last resource. I literally told Nathan, “It takes no food in the house to eat well.”
• Lo hates showers and baths when the timing is right and when they are necessary but is obsessed when you have 40 minutes to get yourself and everyone out the door. So, after a quick shower, she was bathed, dried and dressed for church.
• I let her play in our spare bedroom, which houses my childhood Barbie dream house that is now hers, while Nathan and I rushed around getting dressed, gathering an offering and packing her diaper bag. I believe I was semi-curling my hair when I heard Nathan call out my name. When I walked in the room our daughter was laying in the bedroom closet, against a pile of debris (otherwise known as junk you don’t know where else to put so you shove in a closet) and just starring at us red faced and weird. Yes, weird. “What is wrong with her?” Nathan asked. She was coherent. She kicked me when I approached, so I assumed all was well and I scooped her up, checked her over and then placed her back on the floor.
• Minutes later when we returned to check on her. She had returned to the closet, squatting in the doorway. This time her face was red and she was blotchy. Nathan went to grab her and instead picked up a bottle of wood clue that he found beside her. “She is eating wood glue, Ashli!” He yelled. Of course I silently freaked out.
• At this point, church had started 5 minutes ago. And, maybe we should have been there praying we were better, more observant parents. Nathan rushed to his phone to call someone for advice and I scanned the bottle for the words – “toxic.” Which I could not find. So, I grabbed my phone and Googled – Toddler ate wood glue – and then I slightly chuckled and then I got mad at myself for laughing at what could be a serious situation, because at this point, how the hell did I know?
• Detective mode kicked in and I squeezed the bottle. I could not even get the wood glue out of the half dry rotted bottle so how could she? Then, at the same time, Nathan and I realized, she ate the hardened glue the gathered at the opening. You know, when you last use glue and it collectively gathers.
• Once my Google search screen loaded, Poison Control’s number was the first thing I saw, so I dialed. And, to my surprise a nice lady answered quickly, “Poison Control, how may I assist you today.” Lo continued to lay across from me in the closet, starring at me, pushing me away as I reached for her, saying, “No, Mommy, go.” At this point a smell filled the closet air and I realized her red, blotchy face wasn’t from the wood glue.
• Distracted by the whole situation, I answered, “Hi, umm yes…” I literally did not know what to say so I blurted it out, “my daughter ate wood glue. Is she going to be okay?” Now Lo was refusing eye contact.
• The lady was so sweet and professional and asked me if she was choking or coughing or showing any symptoms and I actually said, “She is being quiet and starring at me.”  Omitting the redness and blotches which I at this point knew had nothing to do with the wood glue. The kind lady actually chuckled. Then I explained that I was sure it was not actually glue but the remnants of glue that hardened onto the cap. She reassured me she would be fine, even double checking the “site.” She warned the worse would be she may experience a stomach ache or be bound up but to give her some water and she would be just fine.
• I felt relieved. Slightly embarrassed but so thankful for that number, which is 1-800-222-1222, by the way. Write it down!!
• When Nathan returned to the room, I was hanging up the phone, and picking up my daughter. “What did they say?” he asked.”Oh, she will be just fine! The only toxins we have to worry about are in her diaper.”

We missed church. We changed into comfy clothes and I changed Lo’s diaper. Lo returned to her Barbies and I hid the wood glue. I Googled – When so you start potty training a toddler? I learned Lo is definitely showing the ready signs. I still think Lo ate some wood glue and I posted Poison Control’s number on our refrigerator.

The end!

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