Tonight I missed you.
I had no intentions either. No plans for the emotional roller coaster that would take me on a tearful ride. But, I felt my stomach drop and a knot build in my throat as I carelessly scrolled though my Facebook wall. I merely was passing time. No real rhyme or reason. But, as I scrolled through my year, our year, the memories came rushing back.
You know when you go to the doctor’s office and they ask you, “On a scale from 0 to 10, what is your pain tolerance?”
When my water broke with Baby Lo, we rushed to the Emergency Room. “Level 3!” I declared and it was mostly that high due to nerves. I just felt like I peed my pants over and over but there were no contractions yet. I actually remember at one point thinking, “Maybe I will be one of those women who has a great pain tolerance for labor.” HaHa, oh silly girl. Then the pitocin kicked in and I smiled and told the nurse, “Okay, I think I am a 6.” An hour later, I rocked myself in an upright fetal position and exclaimed, “I am an 8.” I know, I am bad ass. Actually, then the kind anesthesiologist made his appearance and knocked me back down to a 2 before I ever had a chance to make it to 10. Thank you, kind sir.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
I met Deanna in college. She was the beautiful, charismatic, popular girl with the infectious smile. The other cool thing about Deanna, she was warm and welcoming. Folks, now that is one great package of characteristics not a lot of people can boast.
I went through a bit of a “what am I going to do with my life?” crisis during my early college years. Maybe you can relate? I had aspirations of being an architect and if I had followed that route I probably would have never met so many wonderful people, including Deanna. After one semester in college I decided to change career focuses and well, the rest is history!
I am a pretty impatient person.
It is my downfall and the one characteristic that I know I posses that needs a little love and attention. You know some emotional massaging. I did not become impatient overnight. It developed over the years as a result of my environment. Working in a “high-demand,” customer-focused position, sense of urgency is quite simply a protocol and necessary for success. With this “go, go, go” attitude and way of life, I have become someone who demands the same from my co-workers, peers and even family (oh, poor Nathan and Baby Lo!).
So, what does this mean? Well an impatient person translates into someone who is always mentally and physically rushing on to the next thing. Time shall not be wasted. When I am committed to a cause, in the moment and have a clear objective, a hiccup can frustrate the heck out of me.
Well we have a 9 month old in our home. She is successfully crawling which means nothing is safe. I remember I once said, “I can’t wait until she crawls,” and another fellow Mommy looked at me with a furrowed brow and said, “No, you don’t.”
“Cranky, much?” I thought.
What I did not realize was just how much chasing I would be doing.
I love that this Blog has become a breeding ground for Mommy (and Daddy) peers and I to question our sanity and offer words of encouragement.
Months prior, a Mommy Friend secretly reached out to me and asked if she could share a “little secret” and then proceeded to gift me with the knowledge of her pregnancy, which at the time was “shhh!” She had yet to make an announcement but felt comfortable enough sharing with me because she found comfort in my Blog. I think it was this One. It was one of the first moments since I started the Blog that I felt good about what I was doing because my ultimate goal has been to generate discussion, become a source of relation and develop connections.
Since then, her little secret became a big announcement, and now her announcement a sweet little baby girl! Congrats, again!
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I tend to be a horrible photographer. Actually, I should just not use the words “I” or “photographer” in the same sentence unless I am saying, “I am hiring a photographer.” But, as I was flipping through my phone’s images, I came across the one above which I took last week.
You see on the left is my grandmother, Meema, my sweet baby girl and my Mom. As I was behind the lens, four generations of women are interconnected in this shot. I am in love. My heart is full. It is a picture that I know I will forever cherish.VIEW STORY »
Transition.
noun
1. movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change:
When I read that definition all I see is the word “change.” Up until lately I feel like I could easily be defined as a person who was adaptable to change. I tended to roll with the punches. That doesn’t mean I always had a smile on my face or didn’t put up a fight but I do believe while I may go through pout stages, I can quickly accept and move forward.
The thing is most young adults are actually okay, no, great with change. They have to be and they don’t even realize it. Within such a short period of time think about how much change a young adult goes through. There are so many transitions as one weaves their way through schooling, circles of friends or ever changing cliches, career paths, moving out of their parents home, falling in love, moving in with another, marriage and then boom, a baby!
That is where I am today. Looking back, the past 10 years have been full of change. It is now as we settle into adulthood, into norms, into routines that we become scared of change. Maybe it is because we have worked so very hard for what we have that we are afraid to “rock the boat,” as they say. That is also where I am today.
One thing Motherhood is teaching me is that change is inevitable because my baby is growing. This week I have been attempting to transition Baby Lo from our room to her own crib. I have made excuses for weeks as my husband pushed for us to begin a new routine months ago. Part of me wants her beside me for the pure comfort factor we have developed. Another part of me loves the fact that I am able to sleep, actually sleep and well, after so many months of not doing so, and this new set-up takes me back to newborn days when I awoke in a panic to make sure she was okay. Mostly though, I yearn for her closeness. Her being in that bedroom across the hallway is like a dreaded distance. She was not long ago inside me. Where I felt I could protect her. Soon after entering this beautiful yet scary world, she laid on my chest for those early weeks and we bonded. Placing her sweet self beside our bed every night never felt far, because she was an arms length away. But now things are different.
Now a walk stands between me and her. I watch her sleeping face on a monitor versus lifting my head to see hers. The anxiety of this transition may seem odd to most, including my husband who laughs and says, “What? Are you going to allow her to sleep in here until she is 12?”
“Yes!” I jokingly state.
But now as I write this post I am watching her peacefully sleeping from her monitor. Checking on her often. And, when I don’t get what I want from the monitor screen I make my way to her crib and look in on her. I tell her “I love her,” and most likely look so sad as I feel sad and almost sorry for this step of independence I am giving her.
I realize though, this transition is going to be one of many in our lives. I look back on those youthful years I described above. Full of so much change. All I can think about is my bouncy, happy self. I think about the days and how I choreographed my move out of the only home I knew and how much excitement I had as I started a new chapter. The only emotion I remember is happiness. Which leads me to finally realize what my parents went through as they nodded and smiled and slowly let me go. It is the same thing I am feeling. A new panging kind of pain I am beginning to experience for my girl.
Change is inevitable, it is how I choose to react that impacts the most, and in this situation it seems like this Momma, is going to have to for the first time fight back the tears and put a smile on my face. Because looking into this monitor, baby girl is just fine.
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Well we successfully completed our first family vacation. I was very hesitant about the whole experience. I know, hesitant over a vacation? Yes. The factors of a young baby (she just turned six months), traveling 10 hours to our destination, gangs of sharks hovering the Carolina Beaches (have you seen the news?), plus, did I mention we vacationed as a FAMILY? One House + Eight Adults + Seven Children (under the age of six… let me repeat, under the age of six) = One nervous Nancy of a Mommy!
However, with what would seem like the cards were stacked against us, our beach vacation actually went pretty swimmingly (pun, so very much intended!).
Keep in mind the groceries tend to be more expensive in heavy vacation locations. You can save some money by buying supplies locally that you need and know will travel well.
Here, Baby Lo successful shows off her 1950’s inspired swimwear and one of the many baby contraptions we could not live without and threw in the back of our pick-up!
Kids have a way of putting things in perspective or maybe just exposing you to a whole new angle. Experiencing our baby dip her little toes in ocean waters for the very first time or sit her little bottom in the sand, made us giggle in joy, walking babies dressed in PJ’s in the wee hours or late evenings when the beach returned to a quiet state, was a great highlight and watching all the little cousins interact meant memories were being made.
Parent’s note: This is when you enjoy an adult drink, or two, or three. Actually just drink as must as you can until a child wakes up! 🙂
Bonus points if you can get multiple kids down at the same time!
I know the feeling Kid, the drive home from vacation is the worse!
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It happened. Just like that I turned my head and my sweet little swaddled baby has now graduated to a squirmy infant. Still sweet, though. Actually the thought of swaddling her now cracks me up as I think of my little Houdini grunting and breaking free from any restrictions. She is officially curious. I adore her and this stage.This morning I could not help but smile as I watched her for a few minutes moving her little fingers in front of her face, in pure amazement of her own hand and the movements she was creating. Her face was in awe as this small motion filled her with a sense of wonder.
When Baby Lo hit the three month mark, I celebrated with This Post. As baby grows, I have learned that so does her and my needs. That is why I want to share with my fellow parent and pregnant friends and followers some of the items that made our life convenient.
Baby Must Haves
1 – Braun Forehead Thermometer and while we are at it, a Digital Rectal Thermometer – Baby Lo had her first real fever and it scared me. Shook me up. The first fever does that to first time parents. I am what some like to refer to as a “worry wart.” So, I am sure it is really no surprise to close friends and family that this would be a top must have and ironically #1 on my list. Poor Baby Lo though, not only was she running a low grade fever, but she probably felt like groceries as I scanned her forehead so often through the night.
2 – Sophie the Giraffe – I registered for Sophie because EVERYONE registers for Sophie. You could say, I joined the Baby Stroller bandwagon. Although, I now can say, I underestimated the power of Sophie. She is a life saver, no, actually a pain saver, as those nasty teeth rear their heads and cause your sweet little baby to turn into a whining, not quite their self creature.Yes, creature. Sophie seems to do the trick though. This is a teething toy I definitely recommend! Come join the Baby Stroller Bandwagon with me.
3 – Brica Day & Night Light Musical Auto Mirror – This may seem minor in the grand ole scheme of things but let me tell you when your child looses it as you are driving home and proceeds to cry so hard for their dropped binkie that they hold their breath, forcing you to abruptly pull over for fear they are not breathing because again, you are a “worry wart,” you will wish you had a mirror. I quickly installed ours and learned it has been so helpful when checking on the baby while driving. Plus, our little miss loves seeing her reflection, so she is much happier on car rides.
4 – Graco DuoDiner LX High Chair – When baby hits the four month mark, most pediatricians will give you the “go” on starting solids. We waited a little longer with Baby Lo, but regardless a high chair is necessary for this next step. I love this Graco version. I truly had no idea just how great it would be when I nervously registered for one, and am so glad this one caught eye. One perk is that this high chair grows with baby and is super easy to clean, which let me warn you, is an absolute must for feedings.
5 – Gerber Graduates Rest Easy Spoons – You have a high chair, now you just need the spoons. Once you move to rice cereal and solids, well, it is quite obvious why you need spoons. I am a fan of this kind because of the built in rest. Baby Lo is a fan of holding and throwing spoons onto the floor from her high chair and I am the sucker who picks the spoon back up and plays this game.
6 – Pacifier Wipes – I am a “worry wart.” Do we have that established yet? With that, add in “germaphobe.” At six months your baby starts to learn cause and effect. Congratulations! This means lots of toys and binkies will be thrown, no chucked, across the room and sometimes land on the floor of a public space. Yuck! These wipes are so helpful for crazy Mommas like me who don’t want to go hunt down the nearest bathroom, yet are not crazy enough like Mommas of two, three or more children who “clean off” the binkie by sticking it in their own mouth before handing it back. I am just being real!
7 – Oball Bounce-O-Bunch Activity Center – Now is the time when baby wants to touch everything and explore their surroundings. An Exersaucer or Activity Center allows for baby to see the world from a new angle, hone in on new skills and allows Momma and DaDa some time to tackle things around the home with free hands.
8 – Baby Bibs – One word… teething! When teething arrives so does the drool. It is water works city and you need to protect your Saint Bernard, I mean, baby! A bib will help minimize chapped skin or rashes that can come from drool. Plus, once you start feeding your baby solids you will quickly learn that more food will make it on your baby’s shirt than in you baby’s mouth, so a bib will protect those pretty little clothes.
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