How Has Your Mother Shaped You?

May 13, 2017

It was a rough week for me personally. I was chatting with co-workers about work-life balance and how at the moment it is nonexistent for me. I am at a pivotal point in my life where I am asking myself every day what my priorities are and how those priorities stack out.

Being a Mom is a huge priority, but even more so a present Mom and in most cases, I feel like Lo is not getting the best of me. One of my co-workers shared a story and it really moved me. To tears actually, I tried to hold them back and turn my head so she would not see, but they came rushing down my already damp face.

She had a friend who was sharing with her that when she was talking to her now older teenager/young adult children, she told them how looking back on their childhood all she remembers doing was yelling at them and that made her so sad. But the amazing thing was her child oddly looked at her and said, “Mom, we never remember you yelling at us.”

The perception we have as a parent is just our take on how we are raising our children. We in most cases feel like we are never enough. The true test is how our children feel, which leads me to share This link. It kind of wraps up everything I am trying to say.

Our mothers shape us in so many ways. And, while as Moms, some days we feel exhausted and like failures, not giving our best or our all, our children often remind us that the motherhood magic spirals bright and strong around them, long after the toys lay quietly on the living room floor, and their childhood room remains neatly untouched and they are off in the world and a phone call away.

I thank these fellow children of Moms who shared their answer to the following question to help lift their Mom and all Moms. Happy Mother’s Day.

How has your mother shaped you?

“Through the years my mom has made many sacrifices to give me every opportunity that has led me to where I am today. She has always led by example. Her unconditional love and willingness to give have shown me how to be selfless. My mom has never set a goal she has not reached, she is determined and strong, something I have always admired about her. She is the glue that holds my family together and I know how lucky I am to have been raised by such an amazing woman.” – Jordin R.

“It’s hard to narrow it down to just a few things when I think about my Mom and what a strong influence she’s had on me. She is a well-respected psychologist who ran her own successful private practice for years, all while raising three girls on her own. Growing up, she taught my sisters and me that it is entirely possible to pursue a career but to show your family you love them. She somehow found time to make us delicious dinners and homemade birthday cakes (I love to throw dinner parties and make food for people I love because of her wonderful cooking). She worked so hard to give us so many opportunities – we went on countless camping trips and hikes, and all took dance classes, did things like tennis and art lessons. I think the latter was also instrumental – we not only grew up curious about how we could be creative and expressive on our own, but we watched our Mom pursue her talents in and around her crazy schedule. She makes absolutely beautiful quilts, makes the best homemade bread in the world and is one of the craftiest people I know. Over the past few years, she’s become a master beekeeper, something that is her greatest passion following retirement. Now that I’m older and have experienced some of the things that come with that, like starting over after a divorce, my Mom is my strongest supporter and lets me know I can do anything on my own, that it’s never too late to have the life you always wanted and deserve. That’s been an incredibly powerful thing to share with her. The long talks we’ve had over the past few years since I moved to DC to begin my life as a single person have been so special—she understands what I’ve been through and she can see what I’m becoming, if I keep believing in everything that makes me happy and realize how capable I am. This has really deepened our relationship and brought us closer in a way I didn’t realize was possible. I’m so thankful for her and love her so much.” – Becca B.

“It wasn’t until the last few years that I have truly realized just how much my mother has shaped me into who I am today. As a child who never went to daycare, or even had babysitters, my bond with my mother has always been strong. She has shown true selflessness and courage and always encouraged me to be who I want to be. I always go above and beyond to make someone feel special – something that is undeniably a trait I got from her. All of the best things about me – are because of her.” – Tracey C.

“My mother has shaped me in just about every way imaginable. Here are the two ways that come to mind immediately. 1) Unconditional love. 2) A love for teaching children.

Ever since I entered this word (breech, by the way, and I apologize to her for that, often) I have known that my Mom was going to love me no matter what! Of course, I tried my best to be that perfect child, but mistakes and bad choices were made along the way. I think especially during my high school years, I did some things that didn’t necessarily make my Mom proud. My taste in certain boyfriends and my total disregard for academic achievement come to mind. Of course, my Mother let me know she did not agree with certain choices I had made, but never in a condescending or nasty way. And never did she utter the words, “I told you so,” when she could have so many times. She loved me at times when I didn’t exactly love myself.

I grew up thinking of my Mom as my Mom, but also as a teacher. When I was younger this meant getting to open her Valentine’s Day cards, having her around all summer long, and going to help her decorate her classroom every August. As I became older though, I really started to appreciate the gift that she had for reaching all students and making every one of them want to come into her classroom where they would be entertained, loved, and would actually learn a little in the meantime. She would work late every night planning entertaining lessons and activities that she felt her students deserved. She truly loved every minute she spent with her students. She always emphasized the importance of laughing with, talking to, and most importantly, listening to each student each day. She always said teaching is one of the most rewarding jobs out there, and I am so grateful that I believed her enough to discover this for myself.” – Kristi A.

“I love my, mom. She is the hardest working woman I know. She has always been there for me, helping me and making sure the decisions I make are always the right ones. I learned this right before taking the big step to move out. Every time I brought it up to her, she always would say, “Are you sure you can handle that?” She helped me develop into the man I am today because of this. She is also so caring towards her kids and others. Anytime I come home and something is emotionally troubling to me she always knows what to say. I appreciate that she makes sure to comfort me and help me through everything before I turn to leave. She has always been there to protect me. Thank you. I love you, forever and always.” – Turner M. (PS- That is my baby brother and he is the one in the black shirt behind my Mom).

Moms, you are powerful and resilient. You are lovely and beautiful. You make the lives of your children and their worlds go round. We are lucky to celebrate you.

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We Swore We Would Never Become Our Mothers

May 8, 2017

I was 16 years old. It was a Tuesday night and I had just got done cheering at my high school’s soccer game. I was tan. My waist was much smaller back then. Heck, I did not have “hips.” My hair was in place with a perfect cheerleader bow high on my head. My lip gloss was on point. I smelled great – Ralph for Women by Ralph Lauren was my go to those days. My nails were painted, I smiled big and giggled with friends along the track. My biggest worry under those stadium lights was whether or not I could convince my mom, who sat with the other moms on a bleacher nearby, to let me go out with friends after the game on a school night. Such a heavy worry for a 16-year-old. And, because that was my biggest worry in life, there was not a gray hair on my head or a wrinkle on my smooth face. Yep, I was my best self then. And by self, I am being purely vain.VIEW STORY »

Easter Recap

April 17, 2017

Happy post-Easter! Hopefully everyone had a beautiful holiday celebrating the most Holy holiday. We had a great and busy weekend full of celebrations. My mother-in-laws birthday fell on Saturday so we enjoyed dinner, a sunset four-wheeler ride and nighttime glow-in-the-dark egg hunt.

Our little family began Easter Sunday on my husband’s family’s farm, which for the past four years has been the site of our church’s sunrise service. I did not take any pictures because I felt it would be frowned upon during the service and afterwards, well I was just too excited to get us back home to Lo that I hurried us off the farm. We knew we wanted to attend the service but were a little unsure of Lo’s attention span. Of course Easter morning Lo decided to try something out – sleep in, so we had to wake her, add a coat over her pajamas and head out the door with a blanket and bottle in hand. Thank goodness Nathan’s sister, brother-in-law and three kids came in for the holiday and offered to watch Lo while we headed onto the farm for the 40-minute service.

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10 Life Lessons I Learned From My Toddler

April 15, 2017

Mornings are hectic affairs in our house. Nathan leaves by 6:30 am anymore to get to the office, and I commute close to an hour for work. Our schedules have naturally created a toddler who rises with the sun. I am so jealous of my friends with kids that actually sleep in on the weekends. Sleeping in for us is 6:30 am, maybe 7 am, if we are super, super lucky.

I try to be pro-active to make morning chaos a little less overwhelming. I usually pack Lo’s clothes for the day the night before. Lay out a diaper, socks and shoes for transporting her from our home to my Mom, who bless her heart, is our daycare provider and gather all my work belongings, setting everything near the front door.

We are at a great age where Lo can entertain herself with toys while I get ready for work. As I did a final look over on the items that needed to head out the door with us, I called out to Lo asking her to come on. She obliged and when I turned to grab her and run out the door, the picture above is what greeted me at the end of the hall. My reaction was to quickly snatch all the accessories off of her but instead I stopped, I smiled and I laughed. “You look beautiful!”

“Like my necklace?” She asked.

My ideal of presentable nearly destroyed her proud moment, so thank goodness I hesitated, took a deep breath and decided to roll with Lo’s punches.

10 Life Lessons I Learned From My Toddler:

1 – Kindness matters.
Okay, who here watches the Sprout channel? Hands, hands? Kindness is a muscle? You know the song. Lo jumps and dances every time it comes on and sings along. There is a reason children’s entertainment is teaching our youth the value in caring and kindness. One of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes is, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Now, re-read that again. Think about some of the biggest fights with your spouse, best friend, parent, sibling, co-worker. Do you remember the words? No. Not really, maybe a phrase or two. You cannot recount the dialogue but you can recount the anger , the heartache, the walking away and thinking, “things will never be the same.” I have had those moments and I have those memories. When we feel de-value, hurt and sadness, we remember and carry it with us. Life is about empathy and being kind is the greatest gift you can give to others.

2 – Life is not fair but it is still good.
No, life is not fair. We all learn this lesson one way or another and yet we learn this lesson time and time again. It is the lesson that keeps giving if you will. Lo’s example of not fair usually occurs in a grocery store when many eyes are upon us and she melts down when I tell her, “No” or remove the M&M’s from the grips of her small hands. She cries. Sometimes screams and slithers to the floor to pull a dead weight move on me, but by the time we are in the car and I turn on the Moana soundtrack, she is smiling, wiggling her body and singing to the beats. When we pull into our driveway, the unfair moment is a mere memory.

3 – Cry with someone, not alone.
When my two year old falls, tumbles climbing, runs into a wall, you name it, when those tears flow from her face and down her round cheeks, she never sits there alone. No, she comes running into the arms of someone nearby for comfort. It is a lesson we all should embrace. Life’s hardest moments are easier when we seek the love from others through words, prayers or just silent companionship. Don’t suffer through something alone.

4 – If you don’t ask you won’t get it.
“Mommy, can I get this?” As we walk the toy aisle. The answer is usually no but sometimes it is yes. “Mommy, ice cream?” Sometimes her question leads to a spontaneous moment like ice cream on the patio of an ice cream shop, just before dinner. In life, when you don’t ask the questions, you never know the answers. Sometimes opportunity will not present itself it you don’t make others know your wants, needs and intentions.

5 – Material possessions wont make you happy.
Christmas morning when all the gifts are open and wrapping paper lays across the living room floor, I looked over and she was stacking cardboard boxes that the toys came in. As the shiny new toys lay on the ground, she laughed throwing paper in the air. I feel like this is one life lesson you may all relate with the most. Our children are simple creatures. They find happiness in themselves, something we tend to lose as we become adults.

6 – Hard work pays off.
A newborn, infant and toddler are hardworking beings. Think about everything they must learn and master at such a young age. They learn to crawl before they walk and run and cry out before they babble and speak. Hard work truly pays off for our little kiddies. They handle learning and the “work” with ease. It comes so natural because there is no other way. It is true for us as adults too but the difference is we become lazy in the process. Hard work is the only way to succeed. Yes, luck exists but it is the one who believes and works hard that really prospers.

7 – Never stop learning.
This life lesson really plays off of the one mentioned before, but it is a life lesson, we measure as it relates to school. Learning does not need to mean classwork and enrollment in a trade school or college. Learning can mean reading a book or newspaper, attending a seminar or sitting down with an elder and asking questions and listening. I learn so much from my parents and grandparents alone. The person who seeks more in life through knowledge, is someone who knows and understands that to learn we morph and grow.

8 – Be honest.
Nothing is truer than the words spoken from a child. They hold nothing back and tell it like they mean it. How endearing of a quality? Honesty is a solid characteristic that adults seem to scamper from. We worry about what others will think of us through our honesty. I say own it. If you cannot take on more, say it. If you feel something in your gut, express it. When you want to take a chance, embrace it. Honesty leads to great and powerful things.

9 – Your attitude is everything.
My two year old is happy, carefree and excited about life, except for moments of exhaustion, when meltdowns occur, she is a pleasant child and a joy to be around. Your attitude is everything. The way you see your life and the world exists within your own mind. No one can change that for you.

10 – Live life without worrying what others think.
Seriously?! Look at this picture above. This wholeheartedly sums up this lesson. Walk out that door today in that bright purple coat and do not worry what people think. Cut and dye your hair in that style you have always wanted, go do that crazy thing you have been dreaming of, go out for dinner and drinks by yourself and meet someone new. Any crazy thing, little or small, that you ever wanted to do but felt the perception of others was holding you back. DO IT! Because guess what? At the end of the day when you are brushing your teeth and starring at that person in the mirror, the happiness train, well it only matters if you feel it inside.

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When Your Heart Feels Heavy

April 8, 2017

When your heart feels heavy, where do you turn?

There is a lot on my mind these days. In fact, I feel like I am at a point where I literally cannot sit through another meeting, attend another training, open another lengthy email, hear another terrible sadness, watch another devastating event on the news – because quite frankly I cannot fit anymore in my brain. Nope. Nada. The capacity of what goes in is full and until I can start eliminating some of the madness currently left behind, I am a gazed over human.

My heart hurts. A month ago I lost a family member suddenly and tragically. It was unexpected. The death was torture to my family who now feels riddled with guilt and “could of, should of’s.” Not to mention words unsaid and situations left unmended.

There is sickness. People near and dear to me and / or my family are suffering. Fighting silent battles where worry and fear exists as we wait for the medical community to answer unanswered questions.

Soon my dear brother who serves this country will depart for his first overseas mission and while we are blessed with a small amount of time away from home, it is scary to think of him in a foreign land with little to no contact.

And then there is the way of the world. The evil and the heartbreak. The attack on Syria and the sad, horrible images of suffering and death. I cannot get the vision of the father holding his two nine-month old twins who died from the warfare out of my mind. I close my eyes tightly and scream in my mind and nothing will ever erase that image.

When I awoke the night before last, just after 11 pm, after accidentally falling asleep next to Lo, I carried her to her crib and I turned on the news. I read the headlines of our country bombing Syria and I turned to the bathroom to shower. As the water poured over my head, I cranked the heat up more and let the hot water trickle down my neck and back. I felt sore all over. Like a nagging sick feeling.

As I climbed into my bed, my safe place, I felt the tightness creep into my chest and anxiety fill my body. I did not sleep. No, I tossed and turned all night. Waking and thinking of one of many worrisome images in my mind. Stresses within our home, within the family, within work, within the world.

When I awoke, not much had changed and instead I felt like all day I carried around this feeling of uneasiness and sadness.

I know I am not the only one with this sick gut feeling. In fact, I know for a fact so many more people in my inner circle who are suffering a painful loss and I know this feeling I feel cannot compare with the world they now face. And, yet, I find myself aching for them too.

Faith is the only constant that I know I can 100% undoubtedly rely upon to pull me through. Last night as I tossed and turned, awaking each hour and sitting up to look across the room at our alarm clock, then as I laid there staring at the ceiling, I turned to prayer. Sometimes returning to the same words time and time again. I would eventually calm down, breathing would become more normal and soon I would drift to sleep. My anxiety became manageable. It was like the weight of the words and the heaviness of the matters transferred from my heart and into God hands.

As Christians that is what we are taught to do. Turn to God.

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

We know this yet we have such trouble casting our worries away and praying to God for the strength, the guidance and the grace to let go and let God take control. I know worrying won’t cure others, stop the piles of stress, fix what seems like in this moment as unfix able problems, and yet I continue to worry.

It takes hours and days and months of build up until finally I find myself at a point at 2:00 am, staring off into the darkness of my bedroom, overthinking and anxious. But, soon the light shines through and while I do not physically see the rays striking my face, I feel its warmth in the darkness and know that sometimes the greatest things in this scary, stressful world are the things we cannot see. And, in that moment I feel and know God’s grace.

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Easter Bunny Popcorn Dessert

March 30, 2017

Lo is officially a graduate of Sweet Tooth University. I know, I know – sugar city. Not good. Well, she gets it honestly. In high school I begged guys to break up with me so I could sit on my couch and down a pint of ice cream with no regrets or guilt. Just kidding. I hated heartache. Nathan, well he loves chocolate chip cookie cakes and just about any pie, especially Razzleberry. Then add the fact that Nathan’s family has an ice cream parlor and I am all like – yeah just give me an ice cream sundae with some hot fudge.

I admit. We are sweet tooths in this house.

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Rose Colored Glasses

March 27, 2017

My rose colored glasses faded as I grew up and lost my sense of innocence and childhood make believe. Just like the young boy, Jonas, in my favorite childhood book, “The Giver” who ultimately learns the true pain and pleasures of the ‘real world,’ so too do our children. Right now my two year old is in the pre-enlightenment stage if you will. She sees the world within an arms reach of us. To her, the world is us, our home, her extended family, and that one dream trip to a water park, which she does not stop talking about.

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Best Books For Toddlers

March 14, 2017

Bedtime. It is definitely not the sweetest spot of our every day. Lately Lo wants to stay up later and later, and I tend to be mush when it comes to bedtime. I am that Mom who cannot stand when her child stands at the dinner table, or when her two-year old refuses to eat decent food and instead insists on white bread with butter, but two hours of fighting bedtime and I am all like, “Oh, she is just a baby.”

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Logisms – Part 2

March 4, 2017

We are back – Logisms Part 2. When I typed that in my mind I heard the voice from the Cha Cha Slide. You know when the guy says, “This is Part 2.” Is there a Part 1, Part 3? I have been to many, many weddings since the Cha Cha Slide was first introduced and to this day, I am always cha cha in again and turnin’ it out to part 2.

Because I want no reader in the dark, This is what I am talking about.

So, I am back with Logisms Part 2, and if you missed Part 1, well, you missed out. Luckily for you I care and will easily redirect you to Part 1, Here.

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Top 10 Reasons Living With A Toddler Is Like Living With A Drunk Person

February 21, 2017

Yes, you read the headline right. Parents, I figured it out. As I stared at my wide-eyed, what the heck just happened to me two-year old, who laid on the bathroom floor in disarray looking up at me, it hit me… living with a toddler is like living with a drunk person.

You see, I asked my daughter to join my in the bathroom as I was home alone with her and needed to iron my clothes. Our ironing board is attached to the back of the bathroom door, so technically I lock myself in when I need to iron. Of course, she could not do damage with me by her side unlike if I was locked in a room with her free to roam the house. It was two minutes. That is it! And, in two minutes she caused enough damage for an hour worth of repair work.

“Look at me Mommy!” And as I turned, my two year old, Lo, had moved her potty over to the wall, stood on top of its lid and was hanging from our towel rack. When she lifted her little feet backwards into the air the towel rack ripped in a hurry from the wall, pulling some of the dry wall, and she crashing to the ground.

Yep! Just like living with a drunk person.

#1 – They spill their drinks all over the floor
I have physically witnessed my daughter laugh as she squeezed the life out of a juice box and watched the sugary substance spill all over the floor. Leaky bottle in the bed? No worries! We like sleeping in wet bed sheets. If there is a drink in our home without a screw top lid, well then we are just that – screwed.

#2 – They are always getting hurt
Clumsy! My toddler will walk straight into a wall or door. This morning when we opened the front door to leave, she tumbled outside onto our porch. Flat out tumbled. It is like her feet are their very own tripping hazard. She had so many bruises on her face that my husband posted this to SnapChat last month.

#3 – They cry… a lot!
Their emotions are all over the place. Lo has cried recently because I would not allow her to open glitter eye shadow she found in my old makeup bag (heck, I cried that I wore that stuff), because her bottle of milk seemed too cold, because the toy bucket in the shower had cold water in it from the night before, and because I told her she could not eat butter out of the butter container with a spoon.

#4 – They ask why way too much
Everything is why? Everything! Our dinner conversation the other night went something like this.

Me: Eat your food.
Lo: Why?
Me: Because it is dinner time.
Lo: Why?
Me: Because you have to eat before you go to bed.
Lo: Why?
Me: Do you want to be hungry before bed?
Lo: Why?
Me: Because.
Lo: Why?
Me: Because I said so.
Lo: Because Why?
Me: Why?
Lo: Why?

Fork dropped.

#5 – You cannot have nice things
Hence my story above. We now have a hole in our bathroom wall and ripped drywall. All thanks to a “Look at me Mommy,” hang! Don’t even get me started on my carpets!

#6 – They do not care what scene they make in public
It does not matter that the restaurant is full and your client is seated with his wife across the room. They could care less if the lady at the end of the grocery store aisle goes to your church. Really care less as they knock over the display and you are left deciding if you should clean it up or run for cover. Heck, the mere fact that there are eyes upon them means nothing, their emotions show through regardless of who is around. There is no need to impress and zero care about causing a scene.

#7 – The flip their dinner plates
Don’t like that? Ah! Just throw it off the table. We love cleaning up beneath and around you.

#8 – My phone has drunk dials
I do not know why I have not yet learned from my mistakes. Lo has called a business contractor on my husband’s phone at 9 pm at night and Facetimed one of my old colleges. Awesome!

#9 – They want pizza, Oreos or chicken nuggets for breakfast all the time
My daughter wakes up asking for gummies! Partly my fault since we do give her a vitamin gummie so she then thinks she can have a bag. She will cry for pizza for breakfast and ice cream just before dinner. It is like she could eat all the time.

#10 – They can fall asleep anywhere
In the car, on the floor, across your lap, any where other than their crib or bed. My favorite was after a long day and a missed nap, she walked in the house, boots and snow coat still on, scuffled over to her toy couch and face dived into the cushion and just laid there.

Motherhood and all its craziness, I mean greatness! More motherhood reads here:

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