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Backwards N High Heels

Balancing work and play while wearing many hats (I mean heels).

10 Things 5 Years of Parenting has Taught Me

October 30, 2020

A few years ago, I wrote this post – 10 Things 2 Years of Parenting has Taught Me.

Somehow, I stumbled across it again, and smiled at the lessons I shared and the memories from when it was just us and one toddler in our home. In fact, the lesson – pizza can be a breakfast food, made me chuckle as just this morning we gave our son a strawberry popsicle to coax him into sitting still for a haircut. When my daughter saw me reaching into the freezer for the dessert, she asked, “Why does he get one and not me?”

“Heck! It’s Friday,” I exclaimed and I tossed her a popsicle as well. Which leads me to my first lesson…

  1. Pick and Choose your Battles.
    Tears over wanting to wear Crocs with a dress, needing the syrup to be BESIDE the pancakes and not on top, requesting that they paint their own toenails even though you know full well that also means their toes… my greatest advice is to pick and choose your battles. This does not mean giving in to your child every time they demand, bulk, or ask a request. It means, taking a deep breath, and giving up absolute control and the micromanagement of every aspect of their lives. It means allowing them the ability to make some decisions and giving them the grace when it isn’t exactly the way you would do something.
  2. Your Car Will be Wrecked.
    Yes! No matter how hard you try… your car will be wrecked. Even when you swear no food or drinks in the car – you will bend. In fact, it most likely will occur on a long road trip when you realize your options are to stop and get all the kids out to eat or just keep trucking and hit up a drive-thru. There will be sports equipment stored in the vehicle versus home, because if it isn’t the car, you know you will forget it. There will be snacks stored in every door pocket and under seats. There will be jackets, and toys, and eventually, you will learn to just accept that your car is an extension of a room in your home.
  3. You Will Learn to Like Mornings.
    Yes, kids still get up pretty early long after their newborn and toddler years. And, yes, there is something about a child’s internal clock that ticks quite early on Saturdays and Sundays. Even though you may rise with the sun, there is something nice and slow about mornings (particularly weekend mornings). I am talking about sleepy heads with bed head and the cutest jammies. Our kids crawl into our bed, and with a cartoon on the TV in the background, my husband and I close our eyelids and snuggle our babies, enjoying the routine of mornings.
  4. Holiday Magic Returns.
    Remember when you were a child and sat for what seemed liked forever flipping the pages of the JcPenny’s Holiday catalogue? I would carry it around until the edges of the pages curled and frayed from the constant touch of my hands. How about the excitement of Christmas Eve and the difficulty it took you to fall asleep in pure anticipation of Santa to arrive? As adults, those simplistic joys seem to fade, but children have a way of of reigniting the spark and suddenly, holidays become magical once again.
  5. You Will say the Most Absurd Things.
    “Don’t lick the concrete.”
    “Please don’t put your diaper in the toilet.”
    “Stop peeing on the floor!”
    “No! That’s dog poop, not a rock.”

    These are all statements my husband or I have made without even batting an eye at how absurd we sound.
  6. Never say Never.
    Before we had children, my husband and I would totally judge parents out at restaurants with children that were on phones or electronic devices. “When we have children, they will not have a phone at the table,” one of us would say. HaHa!

    “What were we thinking?” we say to each other now as one of us loads ‘Baby Shark’ on Kids YouTube for one child, and the other uploads the Barbie Dreamhouse game on our phone for our other child.
  7. The End of Your Work Day Actually Isn’t the End of Your ‘Work’ Day.
    I typically get to clock out of my job around 4:00 pm. Since my husband has his own company, he typically works much later. Nonetheless, just because we walk out of the door of our places of work that does not mean our day is over. Far from it! I usually joke, ‘Well, I am starting my second shift,’ as I pick up the kids and head home for an evening of dinner, playtime, homework, baths, and the bedtime routine.
  8. Children Have a Sixth Sense.
    Whether its whispering to your spouse a room a way, or sneaking in an Oreo while making dinner, children have a sixth sense to know all and somehow see all. I am still not quite sure how they do it, or when we grow out of this amazing super power, but when they are little, they will in fact question any little white lie you throw their way.
  9. Your Priorities will Change.
    Children have a way of naturally making you realize and appreciate the things that truly matter in life. Suddenly, when the world feels chaotic and life seems too much to handle, you look at your children and realize everything you need and everything that matters, is them. Life with children means prioritizing what is most important and placing their interests before anything else, which also become your best interests. Life, while it feels crazier with kids, it also feels much more intentional and meaningful.
  10. Take All the Pictures.
    Have you heard the saying, ‘Don’t Blink.’ Of course you have. It doesn’t feel like the saying is true when you are in the thick of parenting. I can assure you that those first six weeks home with a newborn don’t feel like they are flying by. In fact, during those early weeks, I felt like the clock stood still. But there is also a saying which is, ‘The days will feel long, but the years will feel short,’ and that is when the sentiment, ‘Don’t Blink’ feels heavy. I look back over these five years and think, ‘where did the time go?’ and ‘how did it happen so fast?’ So, take all the pictures, and live in the moment, because time steals our youth and theirs so fast.

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Hospital Must-Haves: Packing for Baby

March 25, 2019

*This post includes affiliate links, which means I may make a small commission off of your clicks and purchases. It is an easy way for you to support my blog.

Hey, friends. How ya been doing? It has been a gosh darn delay between posts. Two little ones at home all day will do that to a Momma, this Momma none the less. I really envisioned my time off with these two filled with some great down time to write. HOLD ON, while I go lock myself in my bathroom and laugh. Speaking of locking one’s self in a bathroom, I have tried this method to escape the parenting madness and newsflash… they will find you!

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Dear Loves, Do You Realize

February 14, 2019

Dear Mom,

Do you realize you were the first person in this word to love me? From the moment you learned I was just a tiny something growing in your belly, you were the very first person to open your heart and carve a place for me to live. You loved me before you even set your eyes on me. You loved me unconditionally before knowing who I would become. It was an immediate love. Your love has been my foundation as a human. It taught me to trust and how to eventually mimic when one day I would too become a mom.

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Beautiful Trenches

February 1, 2019

It was a hectic morning. Top five most stressful since our son Luke was born a month ago. Not the worse ever but enough stress and madness for me to chalk it up as a top five.

The truth is, the morning started in my favor. My husband delivered a hot cup of coffee to me as I remained in bed. Luke laid in a scrunched up ball on my chest soundly sleeping, and my daughter was tucked up against me with her blanket. The three of us were lazy as the snow fell outside my bedroom window creating a beautiful winter scene.

Fifteen minutes later, my daughter was impatiently ready to hit the ground running and suddenly my sleeping son began to cry, and the crying didn’t stop.

I felt like I was teetering between two worlds. One moment motherhood felt almost romantic with euphoric highs and in a split second, I was left feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotional over our current reality.

The newness of two children is still an adjustment. Trying to juggle these little beings, our home, my marriage, and my well-being leaves me even more exhausted than the current weeks of sleep deprivation.

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Happy Birthday, my Sweet Girl

December 20, 2018

“Mommy, I am going to miss little Logan,” my daughter said to me about herself as I bathed her. Tears swelled in my eyes and I suddenly felt a heaviness in my chest. The approaching birthday for my daughter has left me sentimental and longing for her baby days.

I am grateful for another year. My goodness, a birthday is a gift. It is the opportunity for gratitude for the year we were given and the hope for what another will bring. Kind of like New Years minus the ball drop and noisy blow horns. 

Although a ball dropped on me as the months turned to weeks, then days, then hours, and suddenly I sit here staring at a four year old before me.

The best way to describe this feeling is to imagine holding a flower and pulling a petal. Do you remember as a child grabbing a daisy and saying, “He loves me, he loves me not,” as each petal dropped to the ground? Except for me, each petal represents another year gone and another year of her growth.

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Because In This World… You Are Those People

November 20, 2018

You Are Those People - BackwardsNHighHeels Blog - Family
There are people in this world that make our heart full… you are those people.

The ones we can argue with one moment, then run and hug the next. Those whose buttons we can easily push and know full well how and why we are doing this. Ones where “I am sorry” flows so much more easily. The people who we know how to rattle yet love fiercely, you are those people.

The ones who make every moment count. Those special times in our lives when you look up and hope to see them there, savoring the sweetest of life with you. The ones who you are certain the phrase, ‘save the best for last’ was indeed written for. When meaningful moments feel all too magical because they are around, you are those people.

The ones who great distances could never separate. Where no challenge – big or small could come in the way of you and them. In the darkness of the night, in the freshness of morning, when the time on the clock does not matter because you would go to any length and do anything for, you are those people.

The ones who find it in their heart and soul to forgive and forget. Who knows that your mistakes never define you and are always there to catch your falls and hit restart with you. Ones who will fight your battles alongside you and provide support so you can stand back up on your own two feet and hold your head high, you are those people.

The ones who make us cry with sadness from heartbreak, or who fill our hearts with joy from contentment. Who somehow have the magical power to make us feel what they feel in an instant. The ones who we absorb life through. When they feel, we feel, and when we feel, they feel through us too, you are those people.

The ones who make this one and only life count. Who fill every ounce of our hearts and soul with gratefulness and thanks to God. Ones who you would perhaps even lay your own life down for. The ones who when all that is left or matters in this life is those who stand beside you, extend their hand, and you hold tightly, you are those people.

— And, may you find the strength and love to share this message with your people. —

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This Is What Happened When God Gave Me You

November 13, 2018

Today You Are ThreeWhen God gave me you I understood the true power of change.
For nine months my body grew and stretched. My favorite jeans were folded and placed in the closet. Hopeful for the day we would reunite, maybe with a cute top and heels, and your father by my side at our favorite restaurant. For days, weeks, and months after your arrival, I poked, sighed, nudged, and tucked extra skin and stretch marks reminiscing of the body that use to stare back in the mirror reflecting at me.

When God gave me you I learned what ‘love at first sight’ truly meant.
The idea of girl meets boy, their eyes lock, hearts patter faster, and suddenly a divine intervention brings them standing face-to-face. Well, my dear, that visual is made for the movies. ‘Love at first sight’ is reserved for a parent and child. It is created in the miraculous moment when you took your first breath and I lost mine staring at you. It occurs at the moment when they placed you in my arms and you never felt like a stranger, but instead a missing piece in our world.

When God gave me you I experienced the magic of 2 am.
With exhaustion racing through my mind and veins, your piercing cry would jolt me upright and to your side. In the quietness of the night, it was just me and you, baby. As I feed you and rocked you, even in the moments when my weary body felt like it was impossible to function, there was pure magic in those 2 am feedings. Something about the darkness and silence that brought out a beautiful peacefulness, and a non-verbal connection between us two.

When God gave me you I became more patient and understanding.
There were moments of frustration, and times when the days and nights felt so long. As you grew there were seasons of change. Things that stressed me before were suddenly replaced by new worries and challenges that needed to be faced. I was tried and I was tested. I gritted my teeth at times and excused myself to my bedroom for my own timeouts. I learned to extend grace to you and myself as we tackled every new endeavor.

When God gave me you I loved my own momma more.
Yes, your grandma became more special in my book too. Suddenly I realized the magnitude of the transformation from woman to mom, and my love and appreciation for my own mom grew when I was gifted you. The reality is I never knew the work, stress, worry, and challenges my own mom went through until I became a mom myself. Looking at you, I could finally see the love she had and gave to me all these years, and every sacrifice she made in between.

When God gave me you I realized my own strength.
From the pain I endured during those hours when my contractions intensified to the day my heart broke in tiny pieces watching kids ignore you for the first time on the playground, I realized your strength starts with me. I bend and break thousands of times quietly in efforts to keep you safe and secure.   On days when I feel broken, I look at you and know my strength is derived from the intense love I have for you.

When God gave me you I found myself.
I thought I knew myself. I thought I knew who I was in this world. No, my dear child, I never flourished in this life until God gave me you. I never realized my own attributes to this world until I held, cared for, and loved you. There was so much to learn and oh so much more to gain from the gift a being a mom. When people talk about their legacy and their work on this Earth, I always searched high and low, but now, I look at you and realize if mine is only you, well, then God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me you.

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What I Mean When I Say, ‘I Hope to Raise you Right.”

September 15, 2018

When I found out I was having a girl back in 2014, the first thought that came to my mind was that I couldn’t believe it (that is a story for another day and the result of an ultrasound tech writing “It looks like a girl” on our printed sonogram) but secondly, I thought, “Oh, Lord, help me raise her right.”

I think that is a normal fear regardless if you are welcoming a boy or girl, or if you are a first time parent or bringing another child into this world. The truth is the “Oh, Lord, help me raise them right,” thought or ‘fear’ will follow you through life as a parent, not just during those pregnancy and newborn stages. However, raising them ‘right’ is up for interpretation and we can pour our hearts, souls, and well-being into our children as they enter each stage of their life, and yet, one day, in a moment, they will walk out of our home and be tested in the world.

So, dear child, while my hope always is to raise you ‘right,’ what I really mean is this…

  • Your best accessory is your smile. When you enter a room, acknowledge those around you with eye contact and a smile. It eases people and is a warm way to make a first impression.
  • You are beautiful but you are also more than that. We easily praise people on their looks but fail to compliment their brains, athletic ability, character, and heart, which amounts to so much more in value.
  • Treat everyone you meet with the same respect. Titles only matter on a business card. You can achieve just as much, if not more, than the person down the hall with a personal admin, sitting in a plush, shiny suite.
  • Always be honest. It is admirable. Even if the truth hurts you and others, at the end of the day, you answer to yourself and I pray you can always go to sleep with a conscious heart.
  • When all else fails, call your parents. No matter what, your biggest supporters in this life will be your ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad.’
  • Practice forgiveness and empathy. Too often we hold grudges and miss out on meaningful relationships because we can’t let go. Please, let go.
  • Treat yourself better than the people you love the most. That is not selfish, that is important. Your well-being is critical to your success and the love you project.
  • Perfection does not exist. Do not be fooled by what society pressures on you. Life is messy and unkind. Know that and you won’t be disappointed.
  • The smartest people in a room are the ones listening. Learn early in life that listening is a skill that does not come naturally, but if you excel at it, you are among the leaders.
  • Don’t burn bridges. Decisions will need to be made and some will not so easy, but always go about your actions and words by remembering that while this world feels big it is quite small, and you actually may never know who is standing on the other side of the bridge you just let burn.
  • There will come a point in your life when money actually doesn’t mean anything, but instead, your self-worth and contentment are more powerful and abundant than the zeros in a salary.
  • The adage of how you treat someone when no one is looking is exceptionally true. Strive to be the good the world is yearning for.
  • Stand up for what you believe, but more importantly remember that what you believe may not align with others and that is okay, I repeat okay. Respect others. Even if their beliefs are not the same as you.
  • Be silly and never take yourself too seriously. There is enough seriousness in this world.

And, while I will do my best to raise you the way I feel is ‘right’ and I know my work is never done, I also know one day I will transfer you to the world. From there my hope is my guidance and wisdom, lessons I have learned will stir and spiral somewhere in the depths of your soul, and subconsciously you will bring the world the grace, kindness, and love it so desperately needs.

Love you,

Your Momma.

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PS – The Coffee Is Cold

August 12, 2018

PS-The-Coffee-Is-Cold
The last two weekend mornings I have rolled quietly out of bed in the early hours, adjusted the curtains so no sign of approaching sunrise sunshine can peek in and reveal the call of the morning, tippy-toed out of the room, and pulled the bedroom door closed. Why? Because for some time our three-year-old has been failing the “sleep in your own bed” nightly quiz and finding her way to our bed sometime between the welcoming hours of oh say – 2 or 3 am, each night.

This results in me tossing and turning and bracing myself for impact as I cuddle against the edge of our queen sized bed. I am not sleeping. And, with my growing pregnant belly, I am forced to get creative in how I find comfort.

So when 6 am rolls around, I have had it. I am spent. And my only saving grace is the thought of a hot cup of coffee, and some quiet alone time while Logan and Nathan sleep.

People, so far this weekend I am 0 for 2. I swear my toddler has a built-in magnet that connects her to my body or some weird internal radar that alerts her when I have exited the bed, specifically on Saturdays and Sundays. Yes, on those days the radar is particularly so strong. What I want to know is who the heck turns it on during weekends, because weekdays, she could give two cares less if her peaceful sleep is interrupting my need to get out the door and to work on time.

Both attempts this weekend for some alone time have included a successful cup of coffee being brewed. I have indeed cozied into the couch and took advantage of On Demand, to catch up on any TV show that does not include the words Mickey Mouse, Doc McStuffins, PJ Masks, or Fancy Nancy, but just as I settle in, I hear footsteps and the door open and the whine begin.

Usually, her first words are “get me some milk” or “turn on a girl’s show.” Good morning to you too, precious one. And from there the demands continue and pile up.

This morning within 30 minutes and all before 7 am, I had already canceled my On Demand, found a “girl” TV show, made her a cup of milk, put in a movie since the TV show was not quite jiving. There was a baby doll that needed dressed, a baby’s hair that needed to be combed, I got yelled at for tossing the baby on the couch and being miserable (I was). We cried because she wanted me to stop drinking my coffee to make “Daddy one” (even though Daddy was still sleeping). Bitter? Maybe. We needed a blanket. We cried for a popsicle. We settled for blueberries. We asked what our plans were. We spilled the blueberries all over the couch.

No wonder we feel depleted some days before the sun.

I love this little girl with my whole heart and soul. She brings me joy and fulfillment and every ounce of happiness one could, but for the love of all things magical, this tired Momma could use a Mommy timeout or break, or just an hour alone in the grocery store today. Anyone else picking up what I am putting down? Empathy please.

Cue the sappy violin music.

PS – Coffee turned cold.

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Have Courage and Be Kind

April 15, 2018

HaveCourageAndBeKind
Yesterday we lost my grandmother. A woman whose life I could never rightfully honor in one blog post, through one story/message, or in the character counts allotted by social media accounts.

Too soon to write? No. My Meema loved words. She was an avid reader. In fact, she could read a book in one day/night. It often amazed me, as I would typically gift her a book for her birthday or Christmas, and laughed when she would call me the following day to tell me how good it was. “Seriously? You read that already?” I would ask every time.

She loved my Blog. Often I would send a transcript of a piece, usually the really personal ones, and she would review them through Facebook messenger before I posted to go live. It is in these somber moments that I am so glad I picked up my laptop many years ago and decided to share my life with you. As writing is therapy for me, it has fruitfully provided me with a digital collection of moments between her and I that I can keep forever.

Every morning my husband provides a subconscious love language gesture. He brings me my coffee in bed. Every morning. He could be running late for work – coffee. He could really dislike me for words the evening before or a martial spat – coffee. It is a steady routine that I note and don’t take for granted. This morning was the same.

Although, on this morning I laid in bed, staring out the window as the morning sun arose, the windows open from this unseasonably warm weather, listening to the birds chirping as a new day began, and feeling the deepest of sadness, questioning whether to get up or just continue to lay there in silence.

“Have courage and be kind.”

Of all the mugs that I own, which are stacked on top of each other, and shoved into the kitchen cabinet, this one made its way to me. “Have courage and be kind.” I smiled and thought of her.

I have always said that the most beautiful thing in this life is that on our darkest of days, the moments we find ourselves in the Valley, the sun still rises. God willing, our eyes open and gift us another day on this Earth the most powerful thing each of us will do every day is to sit up, place our feet on the ground and RISE. We rise up. We stand. We pick ourselves up and live. When we feel like giving up, when we want to wallow in sadness, when we can’t go on, when we question every single thing swirling around us, we wake up and we rise. This simple act that we overlook every day is our resilience in this life. It is our courage to go on.

So I rose.

She was the kindest soul I have ever known. She was selfless, and throughout her years she gave and she sacrificed. Oh, the stories of her acts of kindness could write a novel. Something we talked about. Knowing my love for writing and hers for reading, she would always share her sentiments behind a story of her life. Whenever someone did her wrong, her way of handling the situation was to love a little bit stronger. I see my mother in her, and I see how much every one of us could honor her by being kinder to others and ourselves.

Today hurts. Tomorrow will hurt. Forever without her is going to hurt.

But I can honor her today by having the courage and being kind.

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