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Backwards N High Heels

Balancing work and play while wearing many hats (I mean heels).

I Failed At Parenting

January 10, 2017

When-We-Feel-Mom-Failure_BackwardsNHighHeels-Blog
It wasn’t until she laid there lips slightly puckered upward, those big round eyes closed with her naturally long lashes whispering against her face and her tiny baby hands clutched into fists that I watched and wondered her dreams. She was so peaceful. The home was so quiet. Her beauty so breathtaking that the clock had passed two minutes before I realized I had just sat there starring at her with a smile on my face.

A true genuine smile that slowly faded and a pang in my gut and an incredible sense of guilt overcame my body. I felt heartbroken in that instant. Heartbroken for my beauty as she rested her head on a big comfy pillow with her legs across mine.

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Logisms – Part 1

November 13, 2016

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When I found out I was pregnant with Lo I was so certain that the little baby growing in my belly was a boy. So, certain in fact that when the ultrasound technician wrote the sex of our baby on a piece of paper and folded it for our surprise reveal, and those pink balloons popped out of a cardboard box, I was in shock. Excited but in shocked. I rushed into the house, found the folded piece of paper and opened the ultrasound and note which read, “Looks like a girl.”

I was even more confused. “Looks like girl.” Who writes that? Well, she did and now I had no way to contact her and ask what that meant. I studied ultrasounds in Google images and read reading them online so much, I may very well be certified at this point. Just kidding.
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Missing You But Back

June 12, 2016

BackwardsNHighHeels

Lo be like, “Will you accept this rose?” And, I, be like, “Blogging Friends, will you accept this rose?”

I have been absent. Clearly.

MIA in the worse way. And, not just from Blogging but in nearly every aspect of my LIFE. Nathan has been a trooper. Winning “Father of the Year” for basically saying, “Screw you,” to his own schedule and life to basically be at my beck and call.

So while I have missed writing and the Blog, I have missed more my little girl, husband, family, home cooked meals, bedtime before midnight and a sense of a schedule.

Back to the rose.  I have been a bit busy these days. THIS HAPPENED! And then we announced THIS. Ahhh. Yes, I agree, my job is pretty cool, exhausting, but very cool. I have spent the last year working out and containing the secret and the last few months, working like crazy to watch this unfold. So, I feel it is necessary to relish in the moment. Soak it all in. Just like a Bride on her Wedding day, my General Manager called me to say, “Take time to really enjoy all of this.”  But I have an incredibly team, not behind me, but beside me.   Then JoJo herself called me out in People Magazine Online this week, and I was like, “Gosh darn it, this has to be the coolest!” And, now I am milking my .002 seconds of fame. Surreal or what?

So, now that the secret is out. The gig is up. Life is moving on. Please accept the rose and apologies for a Blog that lacked content and life and my uncanny charm (just kidding).

I sorta feel like life is starting to feel mine again. My head is out of the clouds and my ego shrinking. 🙂

Time to focus on family, summer vacation planning, weeknight meal prep and gardening. I know super, “high life” living, right? But, for me it is the best life living and I am so glad to sigh a sense of relief and be back!!

Love you all!

Enjoyed this post?  Awe, thanks. I am blushing.  We can connect through facebook || twitter|| instagram || pinterest ||  bloglovin’

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The New American Dream

April 29, 2016

Lately I have found myself thinking about the American Dream.

When I think about that term, the image that typically comes to mind is one similar to the image below.

A smiling, well dress, well behaved, quite near perfect looking family. The funny thing is I Googled, “The American Dream Family” and these are the images that popped up.

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Yep, all the same and completely 100% stereotypical, really. The American Dream was ultimately about success. Rising from poverty to defeat all barriers set before them to raise children, buy a home and emerge to a “comfort” status that was once the markings of success, contentment and happiness. The wish to set forth and make a life that was better than your parents. But, even that dream scenario, predates the images pictured above.

The American Dream was about opportunity and more importantly, hard work. It was about getting married, buying a home, starting a family, rising in status (whether that be corporately or socially or both) and living a comfortable life. To me the definition was defined by achieving successes within one’s life.

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Lately

April 4, 2016

Lately… It has been quite awhile since I visited my favorite little corner of the web. As a newbie to blogging I have learned that “vacations” from your Blog are not the most positive thing to do. That thought nagged at me. The neglect to my Blog was not an easy decision but it was necessary as I tackled some scheduled work projects.

All I can say is that the past two weeks have been incredibly, let me repeat, incredibly stress-filled and sleepless. I missed writing. I missed you!

So as I sit here, sipping my Chai Tea, I thought, “Let’s check in.”

Easter came and went.

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Easter_BackwardsNHighHeels

Easter_BackwardsNHighHeels 2
Lo mastered “egg hunting” and the art and act of running. She also was 100% disinterested in plastic eggs that contained no contents. I know who does that anyway? Umm, this Mom, after realizing that she immediately inhaled whatever was inside. Even after the Baby M&M’s spilled out and mixed with the earth.  We also picked up a new trick that has since remained. We now place any tiny little item we find on the floor, in our mouth. Damn you, Baby M&M’s.

Easter_BackwardsNHighHeels
I actually, had to head into work about 10 minutes after this picture was snapped. I cried. And, my daughter, who has learned to cry on cue with fake tears, made fun of me as I tearfully said goodbye. The thought of being away from family, away from Lo on Easter ate away at me as I drove my hour commute into work.

And, when exhaustion sets in and you just reach your breaking point… wine and milk always makes everything better. This was snagged after a long day in the office and a late night reunion.

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Since we last spoke, Lo has developed an additional skill. She now bottle feeds her babies. It is the sweetest thing. The first time I “caught” her in the action I nearly cried. I know, I am crying a lot these days. No, I am not pregnant.

It seemed like yesterday that she was as dependent as that baby doll and I held her in my arms feeding her. I found myself thinking about a year ago and my sweet girl would have been four months old. It is fascinating how fast time moves by. It feels so slow until you take a step back or see your baby feeding her baby. The amount of knowledge and skills that babies, infants and toddlers take on is so overwhelming. Watching her grow and learn has been the absolute greatest joy.

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And speaking of joy and growth. As her motor and verbal skills increase, her little personality presents itself. Ladies and gentleman, I have one ornery, busy-body on my hands. Nathan and I could not stop laughing as we heard clanking in the living room and walked in to see that Lo had set up the new swing we bought her, yet haven’t installed, on the floor and was sitting in it swaying front to back as to make herself swing. This kid.

Lately_BackwardNHighHeels
To add on the whole personality point. Whining. Tantrums. Meltdowns. Yep, whatever the heck you want to call them, they exist and we experience them now. Sometimes daily. She looked so pretty as she was about to head out the door for church, she just wasn’t mentally prepared. As I joked on my Instagram page, she was in her Sunday best but not quite acting it.

So, I did what every loving Mom does in such a moment. I snapped a picture.

Lately_BackwardsNHighHeels

Last thought before I decide to delete this whole post because it is complete randomness, sort of like life these days.  Bathroom selfies. Lo and I fail miserably. She looks so darn cute after baths, all wrapped in a plush towel. I admire all you hot chicas who can capture yourself so beautifully in a bathroom reflection or all you lovely Momma’s who show off your parenting and photography skills with the click of a button. Lo and I on the other hand, well, this is the best we could do.

BathroomSelfie_BackwardsNHighHeels

Enjoyed this post?  Awe, thanks. I am blushing.  We can connect through facebook || twitter || instagram ||pinterest ||bloglovin’

TOMS Shoes

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The first 6 weeks of motherhood, let’s be real

September 19, 2015

BackwardsNHighHeels_Motherhood
I love that this Blog has become a breeding ground for Mommy (and Daddy) peers and I to question our sanity and offer words of encouragement.

Months prior, a Mommy Friend secretly reached out to me and asked if she could share a “little secret” and then proceeded to gift me with the knowledge of her pregnancy, which at the time was “shhh!” She had yet to make an announcement but felt comfortable enough sharing with me because she found comfort in my Blog. I think it was this One. It was one of the first moments since I started the Blog that I felt good about what I was doing because my ultimate goal has been to generate discussion, become a source of relation and develop connections.

Since then, her little secret became a big announcement, and now her announcement a sweet little baby girl! Congrats, again!
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Hi, I'm Ashli. Welcome to my little corner of the web!

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