PS – The Coffee Is Cold

August 12, 2018

The last two weekend mornings I have rolled quietly out of bed in the early hours, adjusted the curtains so no sign of approaching sunrise sunshine can peek in and reveal the call of the morning, tippy-toed out of the room, and pulled the bedroom door closed. Why? Because for some time our three-year-old has been failing the “sleep in your own bed” nightly quiz and finding her way to our bed sometime between the welcoming hours of oh say – 2 or 3 am, each night.

This results in me tossing and turning and bracing myself for impact as I cuddle against the edge of our queen sized bed. I am not sleeping. And, with my growing pregnant belly, I am forced to get creative in how I find comfort.

So when 6 am rolls around, I have had it. I am spent. And my only saving grace is the thought of a hot cup of coffee, and some quiet alone time while Logan and Nathan sleep.

People, so far this weekend I am 0 for 2. I swear my toddler has a built-in magnet that connects her to my body or some weird internal radar that alerts her when I have exited the bed, specifically on Saturdays and Sundays. Yes, on those days the radar is particularly so strong. What I want to know is who the heck turns it on during weekends, because weekdays, she could give two cares less if her peaceful sleep is interrupting my need to get out the door and to work on time.

Both attempts this weekend for some alone time have included a successful cup of coffee being brewed. I have indeed cozied into the couch and took advantage of On Demand, to catch up on any TV show that does not include the words Mickey Mouse, Doc McStuffins, PJ Masks, or Fancy Nancy, but just as I settle in, I hear footsteps and the door open and the whine begin.

Usually, her first words are “get me some milk” or “turn on a girl’s show.” Good morning to you too, precious one. And from there the demands continue and pile up.

This morning within 30 minutes and all before 7 am, I had already canceled my On Demand, found a “girl” TV show, made her a cup of milk, put in a movie since the TV show was not quite jiving. There was a baby doll that needed dressed, a baby’s hair that needed to be combed, I got yelled at for tossing the baby on the couch and being miserable (I was). We cried because she wanted me to stop drinking my coffee to make “Daddy one” (even though Daddy was still sleeping). Bitter? Maybe. We needed a blanket. We cried for a popsicle. We settled for blueberries. We asked what our plans were. We spilled the blueberries all over the couch.

No wonder we feel depleted some days before the sun.

I love this little girl with my whole heart and soul. She brings me joy and fulfillment and every ounce of happiness one could, but for the love of all things magical, this tired Momma could use a Mommy timeout or break, or just an hour alone in the grocery store today. Anyone else picking up what I am putting down? Empathy please.

Cue the sappy violin music.

PS – Coffee turned cold.

Mornings in my Rearview Mirror

February 3, 2018

Can we talk about mornings? Ya, know what I am talking about? Shit show mornings. Sorry for the curse (not sorry). Mornings when you have to get out the door and be at your office job by 8 am, and you got kid(s) – well I am not joking, it is a shit show. Sometimes I exclaim “I have worked a full day before I even start my ‘workday’.” Why? Well, because I am exhausted mentally and physically from mom life and adulting. I am pretty sure I do more from 6 am to 8 am than any other two-hour span all day.

Coffee. Bottle. No, actually I need to clean a dirty bottle, so my daughter has a bottle. Shower. Laundry load switcharoo. Throw a toddler in the shower. Well, don’t throw her. Find papers from work that said toddler relocated somewhere in the house (usually her shopping cart, along with a potato from three weeks ago). Fix hubby a coffee. He drinks it cold. I drink mine cold. Get ready the best possible way I can. Dry a wet toddler who got out of the shower and is crying she is cold from the bathroom. Pack toddler bag. Pack my lunch. Locate car keys, after getting locked out of the house in the cold. – You get it!

So, when we finally, yes FINALLY, get ourselves in the car to head out the door, sweat pouring from my face and down my neck even in sub-zero degree temperatures, I find myself sighing heavy and wanting to crank up the radio and drown life out.

VIEW STORY »

I Wish For My Daughter

July 24, 2017

This past week we took a much, let me emphasize, much needed little family vacation. More to come on that later this week as I dive into some of our time spent in the Outer Banks. It was our first time visiting and it was quite lovely.

Over and over my little girl (in between meltdowns because let’s face it, life is not all it seems to be on a beautiful Instagram feed) would look at me with a huge grin and say, “Momma, I have fun.” It made my heart melt, actually, I would just melt into a puddle after that.

VIEW STORY »

I Failed At Parenting

January 10, 2017

It wasn’t until she laid there lips slightly puckered upward, those big round eyes closed with her naturally long lashes whispering against her face and her tiny baby hands clutched into fists that I watched and wondered her dreams. She was so peaceful. The home was so quiet. Her beauty so breathtaking that the clock had passed two minutes before I realized I had just sat there starring at her with a smile on my face.

A true genuine smile that slowly faded and a pang in my gut and an incredible sense of guilt overcame my body. I felt heartbroken in that instant. Heartbroken for my beauty as she rested her head on a big comfy pillow with her legs across mine.

VIEW STORY »

Parents, Keeping It Real

December 4, 2016

Today’s post is brought to you in honor of “keeping it real.”

Moms and Dads, I raise this glass for you. Can we talk about how often our children truly annoy the heck out of us?! Seriously, though. I love my little girl. With all of my being, with all that I have, I project my love for her. She is my all and my everything. I cannot explain the level of love my mind, body, soul and every inch of my beating heart has for my child. But, some days, she annoys the shit out of me. There, I said it. #KeepingItReal #NotAllUnicorns up in here.

I can only imagine you parents out there with more than one child, with children that can actually, consciously talk back, with children that can run to their rooms and slam their doors, with tween children that are a roller coaster of emotions, with teenager children – yeah, just teenagers, with adult kids and with children that are married to beloved in-laws. I feel your pain, maybe not the same level, but the same struggle and root of your pain. Okay, parenting is hard. It is the ultimate in personality swings and gauging the day to day changing tides.

But, I cannot help but feel slightly guilty for the amount of eye rolls I project towards my daughter in one day. Yes, in one day! It takes me back to high school when the eye roll was forced from a place of detest for the girl sitting across from me at the lunch table, with perky boobs and perfect teeth and hair, but the most annoying way of bragging with every word. I digress.

VIEW STORY »

Logisms – Part 1

November 13, 2016

When I found out I was pregnant with Lo I was so certain that the little baby growing in my belly was a boy. So, certain in fact that when the ultrasound technician wrote the sex of our baby on a piece of paper and folded it for our surprise reveal, and those pink balloons popped out of a cardboard box, I was in shock. Excited but in shocked. I rushed into the house, found the folded piece of paper and opened the ultrasound and note which read, “Looks like a girl.”

I was even more confused. “Looks like girl.” Who writes that? Well, she did and now I had no way to contact her and ask what that meant. I studied ultrasounds in Google images and read reading them online so much, I may very well be certified at this point. Just kidding.
VIEW STORY »

10 Things Two Years of Motherhood Has Taught Me

September 18, 2016

Grocery Shopping Actually Gets Worse
I use to spend two hours to prepare for a grocery shopping trip pre-baby. I would cut coupons online, use Pinterest to develop my weekly meal plan and then make a list, before eventually making my way to the store. I would justify the experience by treating myself to a cup of coffee from a cafe that I would sip as I walked the aisles. Even then grocery shopping was time consuming, expensive and overwhelming. Now, I laugh those feelings in the face. Grocery shopping with children in tow (unless they are 16+) is all of those things magnified times ten. I have literally left the store, drenched in sweat, and swiped my credit card not knowing the total because all can I think is, “Get me the hell of here!” As my precious daughter has a full fledged meltdown in the check-out aisle, frantically reaching for every chocolate bar and package of candy in arms reach.

Kisses Actually Heal Boo-Boos
Cuts and scrapes they happen, a lot. Frozen Band-Aids will do, but kisses, hugs and cuddles are even better. The magic of a kiss in a child’s mind and through their eyes, well I do believe that mentally, the act of kindness we parents present, is realized and felt during their time of need.

You Realize Pizza Can Be a ‘Breakfast Food’
Yep! Sometimes we try to control so much and it is not only overwhelming for us but for our children. No more bottle; time to give up the binkie; why are you not using the potty?; bedtime is made for your own bed; eat this, not that. See, the list goes on and on. We stress ourselves out keeping up with the ‘Jones’ and what society deems as acceptable. I have learned to pick and choose my battles. And, sometimes that includes food. Lo will go days eating like a bird and then make up for it in a sitting. Sometimes, I just need her to eat, something, anything! That includes chicken soup or pizza for breakfast! If it means she will eat, sometimes I turn my eye on the clock and the designated menu that exist in our minds and just feed her!

The Bathroom Is No Longer a Private Space
I use to pretend, even with the door closed that I wasn’t actually in, yet, using the bathroom, when it was just Nathan and I. Eventually, we got over that initial stage of pretending we don’t go to the bathroom, and instead the bathroom became a mutual understanding that time in there, alone, was reserved for privacy with no interruption. Yeah, not so much with a toddler in the home. I think we are lucky if the door is even closed any more. Lo hunts me down when I find myself in the bathroom alone. Heck, last night at 4:30 am, I went to pee, and she literally climbed out of our bed and followed me!

Cleaning Someone Else’s Body Fluids Becomes Second Nature (Except Vomit)
Let’s just keep this bathroom talk going, I mean, why not? You will change so many dirty diapers that you will become numb to the fact that every single day you are cleaning someone else’s body fluids. Poop, pee, blowouts – who is counting? There will be runny noses and blood from scraped knees. You will touch poop. No avoiding it. And, eventually your child will get the flu and there will be vomit and then you will be like, “Why am I here? What the heck am I doing?” And, if you have a weak, weak stomach, this is where you will draw the line in the sand, but then realize there is no one else there, and stomach all the woozies and pray it doesn’t happen again. Psst, it will.

I Should Have Installed Hardwood Instead of Carpet
A few years ago, Nathan and I replaced much of the flooring that was part of the original home we purchased. We decided then what we thought we would need now. “Carpet will be the best for children.” We anticipated that carpet flooring would allow for a chunky baby to learn to crawl and walk with ease. We did not anticipate how grimy kids are and how grimy carpets become! Spilled bottles of milk, cheese squished into the fibers, and jelly toast dragged across the floor. It is gross. If I could do it all over, I would have laid hardwood down and called it a day. P.S. – Children can crawl and walk on those just fine!

Installing a Car Seat May Be The Most Frustrating Thing You Ever Do
I literally cannot recall the last time I gritted my teeth and screamed in complete frustration as I did a few weeks ago when I had to re-install the car seat. Oh yeah, I do! I reacted the same way, the first time I installed that unforgiving biotcha. It is like patting your head and rubbing your belly at the same time. Pull the seat belt strap, while dragging across the seat base, while snapping it in before the strap gives and locks, while closing the seat and locking it in. I wanted to pick it up and throw it into the woods. But being a Mom is all about perseverance and I pulled up my big girl pants and buckled down (literally) for my little one’s safety.

I Am Still Tired
I lost sleep when I was pregnant. Leg cramps and back pain had me tossing and turning for hours on end. After my emergency c-section, I was groggily and deep in sleep. Two nurses turned on the light above my bed, nudge me to wake up and placed a baby against my chest and said, “We need you to feed her.” In my blurry state I felt as if I could not keep my eyes open and I recall not even being able to feel anything from the stomach down from the surgery, but they held her safely against me and I realized then, sleep is for the weary. My REM schedule now answers to my daughter. And, two years later, the Boss still interrupts snoozing a lot. Yes, it gets better, but you are always, always tired!

Life Becomes More Complicated
Scheduling can be a nightmare!! Gone are the days of going with the flow, on the go. Pop-up dinners and meetings, require a call to the spouse or a call with the sitter. Invites from friends for a night out, leaves you pondering on where and what to do with children, or even questioning their invite, “Is it child friendly or child free?” Sometimes I feel like I spend the majority of my time planning our family’s movements. It can be chaotic and stressful.

Love is Powerful
Who knew this kind of love could exist? I know I did not. This kind of love is full of grace. No day easy. No day the same. You win some and you lose some. Give yourself the grace to know when to call it a day. Go to bed and start over. Give yourself some slack. Guilt can and will eat you alive. Parenting is hard work, but rewarding. This kind of love is powerful, because you never knew it existed before your children. It is a love that even they won’t know until one day too, they are a parent. It is unconditional and full of strength. It is the most challenging work I have done in my life, yet filled with so much fulfillment that even through all the struggles mentioned above, I get back up and do it all over again in the name of love.

Enjoyed this post? Awe, thanks. I am blushing. We can connect through facebook || twitter || instagram || pinterest || bloglovin’

We Are Hustlin

August 5, 2016

I dedicate this Blog to all the hustlers out there. Can I get a “whoop, whoop”?

No, but seriously, this is for all my ladies. Being a Mom is hard, tiring work.

I know, I know, being a Dad is too, please don’t private message me and comment that I am excluding fathers. I get it, but actually, in reality, I don’t, because I am Momma, so I am focusing this on motherhood.

If you asked me to describe my current situation it would be exhausted. I swear I am always exhausted. All day. Every day. I am frustrated and I am definitely lacking patience. Some days by 8:30 am, I feel like I have already given my all. Living out a 24-hour day when we have only been up for two hours. O.M.G.

Lo has reached the pre-terrible two’s, which I fully support is a legit thing. She throws herself into a back bend, when I open the car door to place her in her car seat. She lashes out and thrashes about. Digging the back of her head into the seat rest and scooting her body fast off the edge. I would imagine it looks like I am trying to wrangle an animal in the back seat of my car.

Right now “No.” Is her favorite, and may I add annoying choice word. It never is said once. It is usually accompanied by a “No, No, No, NOOOO!” So, it is super positive up in here.

We meltdown. Usually when Mom and / or Dad have not fed her on cue. Hangry is what it is and I know all about it because I personally suffer from it as well. Meltdowns can occur anywhere these days. And, usually it is in the most public places when you feel like every other human walking by is judging you and just watching how you will best handle.

I have one child. I get that when I complain about being tired, or exhausted (an extreme of tired), that the Mommies of multiples probably raise an eyebrow or roll eyes. I get having more than one child is another layer of motherhood that I know nothing about. My mommy friends with plus ones, probably talk about me not being able to hang or handle one. Heck, I myself question my ability for another child, when I feel as tired as I do with one.

Motherhood is a full-time, around the clock job. It is really that. We are working first, second and third shifts. Plus, handling all other responsibilities that existed pre-baby. We are hustlin.

I work full-time but really much more than a typical 40-hour work week. It is demanding and at many times, completely overwhelming.

Days begin super early and by the time I have disconnected myself from Lo and have transitioned into career woman mode, I feel as if I myself have been completely depleted. While I drive my hour commute to work, I try so hard to use the time to decompress and switch my mentality towards work and looming projects, but the reality is, when you are a mommy, it is something you cannot “turn off.”

In the workforce, there is an expression often used, “Leave your personal problems at home and focus on work.” I grew a child inside me for 9 months, I delivered a human, I live and breath her wants and needs, sometimes I cannot “turn it off.” When we started showing signs before the one-year mark of becoming mobile, I found myself daydreaming throughout the day of her taking her first steps without me (which she did). When we have had a sleepless night due to teething or a cold, I am either 1) sleep deprived or 2) wondering if she is napping or eating well for the sitter.

In the evenings, once I pick up Lo, sometimes I want to cry at the thought of not being able to “chill.” Especially if my day has been long and stressful. It is full-speed ahead until Lo finally crashes. There is dinner to be made, sometimes a trip to the grocery store for said dinner ingredients, a diaper bag to be packed, a bath to be had and a whole ritual of a bedtime routine. “Me time” which use to exist every night prior to Lo, is now nonexistent.

Recently, I asked a girlfriend if this exhaustion was normal or maybe I just suck at time management. Why do I feel like I am frustrated? She really put into perspective for me when she explained that as mothers we just have this innate need to handle everything. Work responsibilities, extended family needs, keeping the house tidy, meal planning, grocery runs, dinner prep, lunches packed, appointments scheduled, bills paid, and the list goes on.

We are hustlers. Our minds never stop. Once a child was born we developed a new sense for multitasking on both physical and mental levels. Super human if you will. You can be prepping dinner, drawing a bath, checking over a kid’s homework and pouring a glass of wine in two minutes top. It is like you can’t shut it off. And, the only time you do, is when you shut your eyes to sleep, but by golly, that is the moment your child screams out for you.

It is tiring. It is rewarding. I will say it again though, it is tiring. Some days I want to sleep. Some days just screaming will do. I know one thing, I am not alone. Too many good Mommas are too out there hustlin hard to provide for their families financially, emotionally, physically and often not described or said enough – lovingly.

So, while I will still complain because one day can seem harder than the next, I also send my love out there to you. Because I know you understand me and even most likely are feeling these same emotions too.

Enjoyed this post? Awe, thanks. I am blushing. We can connect through facebook || twitter || instagram || pinterest || bloglovin’

The Roots Of Our Family, My Mom

June 24, 2016

Today, my beautiful Momma turns a milestone age.

I won’t announce her year of birth or the numbers of candles on the cake. As a woman I know, that is reserved for her discretion. But, I will share that it is in fact a celebration year.

I cannot adequately express the love and admiration I have for this beautiful soul. She is the heartbeat of our family. Strong and unbreakable.

As I got thinking about her more deeply, my mind kept flashing pictures to me of the roots of a tree. And, I thought, “Wow, what a symbol for her?”

You see, roots typically lie below the surface of the earth’s soil. My mother has always been in the background. She was the stay-at-home-mom, who managed five children, each with unique personalities and passions. She had gone to college to become a nurse and put that on the back burner for her children. As a child, I never noticed occupations, but as I entered middle school and became more observant of my friends and their family dynamics, I often wondered. At times, I remember not being proud when someone would ask, “What does your mom do for a living?”

“She stays at home,” I would mumble without making eye contact. Why did I think it was so bad? In fact, it was great! She was always present. She juggled us, our schedules, our wants and needs, the home, our meals, the laundry and much more. But, just like wine gets better with age, so does knowledge and understanding. I soon absorbed the weight of her sacrifice and once I had a child, truly understood the work, my golly the work of a stay-at-home-mom. It is a thankless, demanding, 24-7, no vacation days job. One no career seeker would ever want to take on. But, it was rewarding for us kids. She was the steady one, often unnoticed and underappreciated for her contributions and their value.

And, severing roots, can damage a tree. When she was down, we all were down. You know the saying “Happy wife, happy life.” It goes for Mom too! If our Mom hurt we felt it. To this day, any pain or sadness she endures seems to magnify my own feelings. It is like we are virtually connected and what her soul feels, I too can feel.

Roots take up water, minerals and nutrients from the soil to help the tree grow. When I read this, I smile, because that is the epitome of my Mom. The most selfless human I know. Sacrificing for the sake of others. Piling on her plate and adding another line to her to-do list. Not motivated by money or things for such added responsibility but for the mere sake of giving. Soaking up every bit of herself, her energy and her love, to throw back out to us to have and experience and to rely upon. Her kindness and care for her mother, my grandmother, who has become dependent on her through the years, to willingly and excitedly taking on childcare of my daughter, so that I can work outside the home. These are just a few examples of the magnitude of her love and heart.

Then the strongest of all, roots provide an anchor to the plant. And, that is what she is. Our anchor. A constant reminder of safe, home and love. The best wide open arms you would ever need to come running, crashing into. The best contemplation of words you need to hear. To make you a better person or comfort your breaking heart. The soft shoulder to cry onto or lean upon when the world gets brutal and tough. The steadfast root system that breathes the life into our family.

She is deeply rooted to us and we to her.

Thank you, Mom for all that you have sacrificed, for the strong support you provide and for the life you have made for us. Happy Birthday!

Summertime Parenting Hacks

June 3, 2016

So, it rained about 22 of the last 30 days, but then Mother Nature was all like “Hey, hey Summertime, I am feeling ya,” and blessed us with some very warm, hot days.

No, I am not complaining! I promise. I have been longing for sunshine and warmth and sunshine oh, and warmth. You catch my drift?

But, let me let you in on a little secret… hot summer days with a toddler. Yep not the same, as pre-baby. I NEVER sit anymore. I chase. That is my new mode. I am in chasing mode. I also have sunscreen on my hip for the first sign of redness. My beers actually turn warm before I can finish, because I place them down to again, chase a toddler and then I forget where I put them. I get nervous about bare feet on wooden decks – splinters. Bare feet in lawns – bees. Bare feet in gravel – unidentifiable sharp objects. Basically I am a scaredy cat!

So, when I stumble across life hacks for parenting, I am all like, “Hallelujah! Can I get hellz yeah, Momma?!” And, then I high five myself. Let me indulge you.

1 – Toys On The Go
Source
Recycle and reuse your empty wipe containers as to-go, toy canisters for outdoor and on the go summer fun. Who cares if they get filled with sand, dropped in mud, dropped in a puddle. You can easily clean off and reuse.

2 – Mess-free PopsiclesSource
I find myself shivering at the thought of sticky, sugary juice melting in the hot summer sun, all over little hands. Yuck! Especially when you are outdoors and not near a public restroom. Double yuck! Pack cupcake tins during your next picnic. It will surely intrigue the kids and protect them and you from a sticky mess.

3 – Bug Free Drinks
Source
Yep, cupcake tins in for the win again. (Totally did not mean to rhyme there). Anyways, cover sugary, sweet drinks with a cupcake tin to protect bees and insects that stake their claim in your summertime beverage.

4 – Protect Your Phone

Always, always pack a zip lock baggie if the following equation is taking place. You + child + water = Disaster! I tend to throw my cell which also has a lifeproof case, in a zip lock baggie too. Maybe I am crazy? Overly cautious? Or all subconscious.

5 – Cool Off
Source
How cool is this? I am totally down for this during the hot summer months. Cut some sponges into cubes, string together and soak in cold water. Then when your little is hot, place around their neck, to naturally cool them off. If they are a baby or toddler, they may chew on the sponges which will help with their gums and cool them down.

6 – One-Stop-Shop Bag
Source
A one-stop-shop bag is a must! Band aids, Tide-to-Go and medicine, can each have their moment to shine this summer. So, let this bag do its job. Only, thing missing? Mommy’s tequila. Just kidding. Maybe?

7 – Mess Free Bubbles

I found this picture on Pinterest with no link. Boo! I even tried Google image search and it just showed Pinterest shares, but again no link. How smart is this? I mean I cringe at the thought of handing over the wand and tube to my bubble loving baby. She just lacks… grace, let’s say.

8 – Bug Free Sandbox
Source
So, I have no clue if this works, but you bet I am going to try it! Apparently, cinnamon keeps the bugs away, so once you sprinkle throughout the sandbox and stir, goodbye bugs, hello sweet smelling sand, oh, no – do not eat that, child!

9 – Keep the Baby Pool Clean
Source
Yeah, okay, so I needed this hack a week ago. We have filled and refilled the baby pool twice now. And, rain and pollen have dirtied the pool, yet again. Cover your baby pool with a fitted sheet to keep the water clean. There, done.

10 – Sand Removal
So apparently Baby Powder and sand, well they do not mix! This easy summertime hack is so simple! Just rub some powder between your hands and then rub across skin. Goodbye sand.

So, there you have it. Some summertime parenting hacks. Do you have some secrets to add to the list? If so, share in the comment section below.

Enjoyed this post? Awe, thanks. I am blushing. We can connect through facebook || twitter|| instagram || pinterest || bloglovin’