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Backwards N High Heels

Balancing work and play while wearing many hats (I mean heels).

Happy Birthday, my Sweet Girl

December 20, 2018

“Mommy, I am going to miss little Logan,” my daughter said to me about herself as I bathed her. Tears swelled in my eyes and I suddenly felt a heaviness in my chest. The approaching birthday for my daughter has left me sentimental and longing for her baby days.

I am grateful for another year. My goodness, a birthday is a gift. It is the opportunity for gratitude for the year we were given and the hope for what another will bring. Kind of like New Years minus the ball drop and noisy blow horns. 

Although a ball dropped on me as the months turned to weeks, then days, then hours, and suddenly I sit here staring at a four year old before me.

The best way to describe this feeling is to imagine holding a flower and pulling a petal. Do you remember as a child grabbing a daisy and saying, “He loves me, he loves me not,” as each petal dropped to the ground? Except for me, each petal represents another year gone and another year of her growth.

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Today You Are Three

December 20, 2017


Today is the day my baby girl, turns three. THREE! Seriously, I still do not know how that possibly could be. I look at the clock now, and think back to three years ago today, when she came into this world three weeks too early, but right on time for me. My little Christmas baby and present. A joy and complete whirlwind arrival. I think of her tiny little fingers and nose and swear I can still smell her sweet newborn smell if I think really hard. And, while I very much find birthdays for myself exciting, for Lo, they are all too often bittersweet. She has grown. Another year down. And, yes, I am grateful and blessed for this past year, it is too nostalgic to really think how quickly time does pass and every moment and milestone you thought just would never come, has come and gone. But, instead of focusing on my pitiful sadness of watching my baby turn into a little lady, I celebrate her and the many joys she has brought to me.


Today you are three!

  • Your imagination and the wonder in your eyes. Watching you pretend play is like living every day in theatre. You are so committed to your imaginary world and bring us in with your stories and play.
  • Your uncanny ability to hear a song play once and then be able to sing the lyrics upon the second time it plays. I cannot tell you how many times your Dad and I have looked at each other, “Oh my goodness can you believe this?”
  • How when we say our nighttime prayers, after listing all our family, you pause, giggle and say, “And, waterparks.”
  • The fact that you can without certain, determine if I have heated your bottle to the perfect :35 seconds.
  • Your sense of adventure and exploration. A distinct characteristic you must have gotten from your father.
  • When you ask to eat at “Chic FOR Lay” 🙂
  • Your idea of a Saturday. Shopping! Girl, your father is going to be in trouble.
  • Your my cuddle bug, and I love when you curl up in my arms.
  • Speaking of that you are my baby cakes and honey bee and if I address you anything different you quickly remind me that those are your names.
  • When you take your little hands and squeeze our checks and announce, “I love you!”
  • Your obsession with the movie ELF this holiday season.
  • Your big blue eyes and bright smile.
  • Your giggles and laugh really are my favorite.

Today you are three! But, as I explained to you last night as I put you to sleep, while two is now gone, my sweet baby, you will always be. Remember, you promised!

Happy Birthday, our sweet girl. We adore you and love you.

Leave a Comment CATEGORIES // Family TAGGED: Backwards In High Heels, Backwards N High Heels, Backwards N High Heels Lifestyle Blog, Family, Happy Birthday, Life With A Toddler, Motherhood, Parenting, Third Birthday, Today You Are Three

The Roots Of Our Family, My Mom

June 24, 2016

Today, my beautiful Momma turns a milestone age.

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I won’t announce her year of birth or the numbers of candles on the cake. As a woman I know, that is reserved for her discretion. But, I will share that it is in fact a celebration year.

I cannot adequately express the love and admiration I have for this beautiful soul. She is the heartbeat of our family. Strong and unbreakable.

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As I got thinking about her more deeply, my mind kept flashing pictures to me of the roots of a tree. And, I thought, “Wow, what a symbol for her?”

You see, roots typically lie below the surface of the earth’s soil. My mother has always been in the background. She was the stay-at-home-mom, who managed five children, each with unique personalities and passions. She had gone to college to become a nurse and put that on the back burner for her children. As a child, I never noticed occupations, but as I entered middle school and became more observant of my friends and their family dynamics, I often wondered. At times, I remember not being proud when someone would ask, “What does your mom do for a living?”

“She stays at home,” I would mumble without making eye contact. Why did I think it was so bad? In fact, it was great! She was always present. She juggled us, our schedules, our wants and needs, the home, our meals, the laundry and much more. But, just like wine gets better with age, so does knowledge and understanding. I soon absorbed the weight of her sacrifice and once I had a child, truly understood the work, my golly the work of a stay-at-home-mom. It is a thankless, demanding, 24-7, no vacation days job. One no career seeker would ever want to take on. But, it was rewarding for us kids. She was the steady one, often unnoticed and underappreciated for her contributions and their value.

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And, severing roots, can damage a tree. When she was down, we all were down. You know the saying “Happy wife, happy life.” It goes for Mom too! If our Mom hurt we felt it. To this day, any pain or sadness she endures seems to magnify my own feelings. It is like we are virtually connected and what her soul feels, I too can feel.

The-Root-Of-Our-Family-My-Mom_BackwardsNHighHeels
Roots take up water, minerals and nutrients from the soil to help the tree grow. When I read this, I smile, because that is the epitome of my Mom. The most selfless human I know. Sacrificing for the sake of others. Piling on her plate and adding another line to her to-do list. Not motivated by money or things for such added responsibility but for the mere sake of giving. Soaking up every bit of herself, her energy and her love, to throw back out to us to have and experience and to rely upon. Her kindness and care for her mother, my grandmother, who has become dependent on her through the years, to willingly and excitedly taking on childcare of my daughter, so that I can work outside the home. These are just a few examples of the magnitude of her love and heart.

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Then the strongest of all, roots provide an anchor to the plant. And, that is what she is. Our anchor. A constant reminder of safe, home and love. The best wide open arms you would ever need to come running, crashing into. The best contemplation of words you need to hear. To make you a better person or comfort your breaking heart. The soft shoulder to cry onto or lean upon when the world gets brutal and tough. The steadfast root system that breathes the life into our family.

She is deeply rooted to us and we to her.

Thank you, Mom for all that you have sacrificed, for the strong support you provide and for the life you have made for us. Happy Birthday!

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You Will Always Be My Baby

July 31, 2015

You little lady, you rocked my world 13 years ago.

National Sibling Day - BackwardsNHighHeels.com
Finding out Mom was pregnant, well let me tell you… that was just so embarrassing. I remember the day she told me like it was yesterday. “I am pregnant,” she declared, with a smile on her face. Although, there was a definite nervousness too, as if she knew telling me could go one of two ways. Terribly good or terribly bad. I am so sorry to say, it went the latter.
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Dear Ol’ Dad…

May 6, 2014

I am sure we could all argue right now… but I don’t want to fight.  But if I chose to go down that road with you I am sure the conversation would go something like this…

Me: “I have the best Dad!”
You: “So, do I.”
Me: “I know, but mine is really special.”
You: “Well, so is mine.”
Me: “I know, but I really think mine is the best of all bests.”
You: cricket cricket – blank stare – mentally you are thinking “Is she 5? Are we really going there?”

The point is for many, your Dad is the best of all bests. And, rightfully so.  I mean he is your Dad.  And how special is that?  That we each have this special someone that we call our own and love through and through.  He is the best and you couldn’t imagine anyone better to fill the shoes of the man you call “Dad.”

Well, that is how I feel and today is that special man’s birthday.

Happy Birthday Dad
My Dad is a quiet guy.  A man of few words. He doesn’t like attention. In fact, our family teases him on his seriousness. If he cracks a smile, well that is equivalent to your and my chuckle and if he chuckles, well boys and girls we just peed our pants with laughter.  With all that seriousness comes respect.  When he talks you listen.

But for me and my four siblings, we all know a different side to our Dad.  There is a humorous and witty side that few see.  For a man who is so quiet, I believe he fights uncomfortableness with goofy humor.  And, I cannot tell you how many times he has made us children put our hands together and yell out the “rally cry” which he created and sort of sounds like a dying Falcon, just in case we ever get separated.

Happy Birthday Dad

He is extremely difficult at times.  So, set in his ways.  If you didn’t know him well, like we do, he can be hard to read.  He is meticulous in the manner in which he does certain things and by golly he is not a fan of you wasting money. So, don’t brag about something you bought because you wanted it.

But for his family, we know that he is extremely giving, caring and kind.  Being the oldest of five kids, which range from 27 – 11, I have watched him and my Mom make sacrifices over the years so each one of us in due time could have a car and go to college.  And, I have seen him light up when he has spent more than he would ever allow us to in order to buy one of us something we wanted.

Happy Birthday Dad

I have learned from my Dad that – life is not fair, you are not entitled to anything and that the best people in this world are the ones who get up, work hard and do it all over again.  I have also learned that family comes first and if ever you need someone to be honest with you – Dear Ol’ Dad will be there.  Whether it is what you want to hear or what you know you will hear but wish you hadn’t.  The brutal honesty that comes from our parents, well it comes from a lot of love.

As, I get older I look at my Dad differently.  He is my Dad yes, but also a great friend.  When I watch him with the baby of our family, Liv, or as Dad likes to call her “Sugar Bear.”   Well, my heart swells as I watch him and her interact and see their relationship change through the years like ours.

Happy Birthday, Dad!  Oh, and there is that smile, or for all of us a nice chuckle…

Happy Birthday Dad

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Hi, I'm Ashli. Welcome to my little corner of the web!

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