Moms and Dads, I raise this glass for you. Can we talk about how often our children truly annoy the heck out of us?! Seriously, though. I love my little girl. With all of my being, with all that I have, I project my love for her. She is my all and my everything. I cannot explain the level of love my mind, body, soul and every inch of my beating heart has for my child. But, some days, she annoys the shit out of me. There, I said it. #KeepingItReal #NotAllUnicorns up in here.
I can only imagine you parents out there with more than one child, with children that can actually, consciously talk back, with children that can run to their rooms and slam their doors, with tween children that are a roller coaster of emotions, with teenager children – yeah, just teenagers, with adult kids and with children that are married to beloved in-laws. I feel your pain, maybe not the same level, but the same struggle and root of your pain. Okay, parenting is hard. It is the ultimate in personality swings and gauging the day to day changing tides.
But, I cannot help but feel slightly guilty for the amount of eye rolls I project towards my daughter in one day. Yes, in one day! It takes me back to high school when the eye roll was forced from a place of detest for the girl sitting across from me at the lunch table, with perky boobs and perfect teeth and hair, but the most annoying way of bragging with every word. I digress.
Some days my daughter’s lack of patience annoys the crap out of me. I literally say “Patience is virtue, my dear,” so many times in one day, that by the next time the words leave my mouth, I am raising my voice. Sometimes I even catch myself eye rolling over her lack of attention span. “What do you mean you want your crayons, we have play-doh out?” Tears (Mine, not hers). “Play-doh all out and MIXED!! together and embedded in the carpet.”
Sometimes I sigh heavy when I take her diaper off for 2.5 seconds and return to realize that she has peed all over the kitchen floor, or living room floor, or bedroom carpet. Yes, if you visit me, I have cleaned pee off of the floor of every room at this point. Try not to imagine that.
On occasion I feel myself tense up, like when we are taking a bath and we feel the need to crawl, run, splash, and half swim around the tub, trying to avoid my grasp and the dreaded hair wash, because we all know, 2.5 seconds earlier you were dumping that same cup of water over your head giggling. Something about Mom holding the cup, totally makes it torture.
You know, I love it when you puke, pee or spill milk in the bed. Like that time you puked, and I washed the sheets, only to have you puke the second the bed was made for the second time in 12 hours. Yeah, awesome. I love laundry.
When you protest the car seat and buck like a rabid animal and I have to trick you into buckling up and find myself sweating in 35 degree weather. Yeah, I cuss under my breath.
Let’s see… I grit my teeth and yell your name… full name, when you take off running in a store, throw your body to the ground in a fit of temper, when you decide that everything I place on your highchair tray is not edible and instead you brush onto the floor, when you throw your binkie from the crib to manipulate me to come into the room to find it, when you shove a shaving cream cap into our shower drain, creating a clog, when you throw something into the toilet and I hear a flush, when you draw on the furniture, when you squeeze the entire bottle of bath wash out, when you decide the best toys are your neatly folded clothes that you rip and scatter across your bedroom floor, when you break my favorite living room trinket decor that survived 7 plus years until those fingers grabbed it, when you stick your hands into a dirty diaper and create an even dirtier situation.
Dear, Moms and Dads, we are tough cookies surviving the wrath of our children. I have bags under my eyes, I have wrinkles in my forehead and I have grays… motherhood did this to me. It has aged me.
Remember when you were a child and your parent would say, “Just you wait until you have children of your own!” To my own Mom and Dad, I get it, I am sorry, I created chaos and I annoyed the crap out of you.
Dear, oh dear, there are sighs, cries, gritted teeth, deep breaths, full name calling, chasing down and eye rolling that occur over and over in this house. Some days pure chaos and some days madness.
Funny thing is… I could not imagine our home without it.
Now, little children, go grab your binkie and blanket. Mommies and Daddies, pour that glass of wine. And, in this madness, know from afar, you are not alone in this parenting gig and I send my virtual cheers, to you!