You little lady, you rocked my world 13 years ago.
Finding out Mom was pregnant, well let me tell you… that was just so embarrassing. I remember the day she told me like it was yesterday. “I am pregnant,” she declared, with a smile on her face. Although, there was a definite nervousness too, as if she knew telling me could go one of two ways. Terribly good or terribly bad. I am so sorry to say, it went the latter.
It was not my fondest moment. It was not my proudest either. I was young, selfish, super self-conscious and, I was mortified. I said things I didn’t mean. I made Mom feel so horrible. I stole her moment, our moment. I could never take it back.
When Mom received a scare mid-pregnancy, that something seemed wrong, I felt beyond guilty, as if my words were the reason for this situation. I knew if indeed something was wrong with you it was my fault. Thinking, I could never forgive myself for being so selfish, I immediately, right then, wanted you more than anything.
Thankfully, you were well.
I was just a few days shy of my sweet 16th birthday when you were born, and while having a pregnant Mom was so uncool, you my dear were the opposite. When you made your arrival, we were all smitten. You became my baby. Funny how time changes things as just months earlier I stated, “I would never have anything to do with you.” After you came into this world, I became the one who could not get enough of you.
Our age difference may seem like a con. We never got to lock ourselves in our room gossiping about girls, gushing about boys and sharing and stealing each others clothes. Although, I think God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave us you. As our little bookend you keep us all young at heart.
For me personally you made me always want to be a better person. I had little eyes always upon me. I wanted and still want to be your role model. You kept me responsible during a fragile time when many teenagers teeter and push the envelope. You brought me closer to Mom as I felt so grateful for you. There never has been a jealous seed with you, like maybe there exists with sisters closer in age. Instead there is a true friendship and value in your happiness.
Most importantly, becoming a Mom this year, I had quite a bit to learn, but thankfully I already had a jump start from my time with you! At a young age I learned how to bathe you, feed and burp you, change diapers like a pro and put you to sleep. It was you who prepped me for my greatest role.
Now, as I watch my baby girl interact with you, I smile and think back to when you were “my baby.” You no longer run to me when I enter the door but to her instead, outstretching your arms. She lights up when she sees you. In those reoccurring moments, it is like I am watching you and I. Maybe one day you will look back like I do now, and think how much Logan helped you in becoming a Mommy, and we will come full circle again.