I have been thinking about this post for some time now. The thought of it keeps nagging me. Often my posts are planned and other times they are spur of the moment, like this ONE. I was a blubbering mess when I wrote that one. It is one of my favorites though!
Sometimes a thought hits me and I jot down the idea to venture back around. However, this one, well this one, has kept coming at me like those “trust your gut” feelings. I will be honest, I kind of ignored the thought a few times because I was worried what people would think with what I had to say. Parenting can be so controversially because everyone does it differently and has their own biases. Then I thought, “this is my Blog dagnabbit and if I want to write about it, well I can.” That is how it goes when you are the boss. And, on here, I am the boss! 🙂
So, let’s go… hey, maybe it won’t be so bad?
The four words I really have grown to despise these days – “You are spoiling her!” I really don’t like hearing it. I actually hate it to be frank.
Can you really spoil a 10-week old baby? It is not like she is asking for candy when we go to the market to which I either immediately cave or say “no” multiple times all while walking the aisles listening to her scream and cry until I can no longer take it, finally circling back around to hand her the candy. It is not like I make us a family meal to which my infant turns up her nose, declaring McDonald’s and then I rush out of our home to return with her nugget meal just in time before she has cried herself to sleep. You see to me… that is spoiling.
Right now I have a little baby whose only means of communicating with me is to cry. She knows no other way. She does not know what a temper tantrum is yet. She is not crying because she wants something out of selfishness or neediness. She cries because she can’t say – “hey, mom, ummm… I dirtied myself, a dry diaper would be awesome.” She cries because of basic needs.
I will admit, Lo likes to be held. She is content in our arms. If I put her under her play yard or in her swing, yes, I gain about 15 minutes of hands free time to do something. However, like clockwork though, she will cry and I will pick her up. “You are spoiling her. She wants to be held all the time.” As a mom, it seriously goes through me like a knife. Yes, she wants to be held, but the root of it is that she wants affection or to be close to someone. Just like crying because she is hungry, tired, has a dirty diaper or is not feeling good, needing comfort IS a basic need for an infant. In my opinion, responding to her is building her confidence. She is learning that she can rely upon me and trust that I will be there. I am building her sense of security. Isn’t that the opposite of dependence?
I have been told I am spoiling her from responding to her whimpering too quickly. I should let her cry more before I pick her up. The fact is I see her hunger cues. She is rooting, sucking her hand or turning her head back and forth. Why wait until she is screaming to feed her? It is not spoiling when you know your baby and trust your intuition. Soothing your child is part of parenting.
Granted I understand there will come a day when my infant reaches toddler hood and she will develop a sense of what is wrong and right. She will begin to understand how her actions affect her world. She will have temper tantrums and push her boundaries and my buttons. She will then enter a world where I will comprehend those dreaded words… “You are spoiling her!”
She is 10-weeks old today, but 10-years old tomorrow. I will love her and care for her and savor every single minute of her because one day I may not be the one she reaches for first, cries out to for help, depends on for basic needs or sadly, falls asleep in my arms.The reality of it all is that whether I am picking up my crying baby from her swing or allowing her to softly sleep on my chest, she is spoiling me. And, that, I am okay with!
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